Wasting Time

There are so many ways to waste time.  Some of it is productive and the other half of it is destructive.  Wasting time is an art form, but sometimes it can turn into a disaster.  You have to waste time intelligently or else wasting time will become wasting your life.  And if you waste your life, you might as well not have been born in the first place.  Time is a waste of time.  So if you can get good useage out of your time, then wasting it will really be using it. 

Here’s an example.  You come home from work after a tough day and you plop down on the couch and look for the remote because you want to see what’s on TV.  You’re not turning it on for any particular reason, but just looking to see if there’s something on.  And even if you don’t find something even remotely interesting, you still watch the least repulsive thing on.  Maybe it’s a nature show, who knows?  But you just sit there for an hour, two hours, or six hours, watching somthing you really don’t even care for just because you don’t have anything else to do with that spare time.  I would rather sit on that same couch just thinking for six hours than watch something I don’t really care for.  I would rather work on my set list before I would sit there and waste time. 

When I waste time, I like to do it actively.  I like to have my mind or body engaged in something when I am wasting. I’d rather not waste time passively, because it’s like just watching something or someone while you remain dormant, both physically and mentally.  One example is reading an entire newspaper just because you want to justify the fifty ents you spent on it.  You even read the “How to Please Your Man” article.  But why do that when you could be doing something you enjoy, not something you feel forced to do because of a specific cost.  I’ve bought many books that I just stopped reading because I felt they were a waste of time.  I said, “I could waste my time doing better things.”

Sometimes I shift into comedy mode and have five or six jokes come out in an hour.  While it looks like I’m just sitting here doing nothing, wasting time, my mind is working at such a rapid pace that NASA couldn’t track it.  To you, it may seem like doing that is a waste of time, but to me, it’s like doing that is the best possible use of my time.  I’d much rather do that than spend two hours of my life watching “War in Iraq” coverage or the Super Bowl Sunday Pregame show.  And making good use of your time doesn’t have to cost you any money.  Just spend time hanging out with people you like to hang out with.  It’s better than watching The Real World and watching other people hang out with their friends.  How dumb is that?  We actually watch people hang out with other people and take some kind of entertainment value out of it. 

I hate it when people say, “I don’t have any time to do that.”  That’s a bunch of crap.  Listen, with all the time people waste, I’m sure you could put your iPod Nano on pause and stop watching retarded videos on YouTube while eating a gigantic hot pretzel in your underwear.  Get off your ass and do something!  Well, you may not need to get off your ass, but at least do something.  You can still waste time, but just do it more actively.  That’s what I do and I find that I do have enough time.

 Now I’m not saying you have to become some super overcachiever because even that is a waste of time if you don’t know why you’re doing it.  I was listening to a podcast on “The Lazy Way to Success,” and I remember the guy saying that you don’t have to be a driven person to be productive.  Just don’t do nothing the wrong way or you’ll get nothing.  Don’t wate time, but use your time productively while relaxing as well.  Put your income on autopilot or something so that you’re not going to the office for X amount of hours and getting paid X amount of dollars.  You could do so many more productive things with that time.  You’re way better off finding easier ways to make money so that you can use less time to make money, which in turn will allow you to waste time in the manner you see fit.

A New Steven Wright Special

Seeing as I haven’t watched TV in over three weeks or so, barring two South Park episodes, I really wasn’t up on the times when it comes to comedy. My brother comes in my room last night and tells me that Steven Wright, the Steven Wright, is having a comedy special this Saturday, which is coincidentally the same day my friend from Rhode Island is coming in. Go figure. So I assume it’s going to be one hell of a time that day. This is Wright’s first special in supposedly sixteen years. Can you believe it? I’m so excited, as he is my favorite comedian of all time. One quote frome the commercial that my brother saw was, “If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.” Pure genius. He has many other new jokes, I’m sure. I really haven’t heard any of his stuff since 1986, so I really don’t know what to expect. But I’m definitely looking forward to it. It premieres on Comedy Central at 9:00 PM. It should be a feast for the ages. I am so looking forward to this and you should, too. Maybe I’ll even get a big screen plasma TV for the occasion, but I don’t think Steven would want it that way. He’s more into a black and white phonograph. But whatever.

To me, this is the Christian equivalent of Jesus rising from the dead and having a second coming. I’m dead serious. I cannot express my joy in any other manner but pure and utter amazement that after all these years, he would finally, finally come out with something new. He’s not the most driven person, and I definitely can relate to that, but he’s also someone who does such bizarre things and also tells absurd jokes to the point that you forget who you are completely and are immersed in his catatonic behavior. Him and Jerry Seinfeld are the two comedians that inspired me when I was first starting, most notably Jerry because I didn’t even know of Steven Wright back then. I remember the first joke of his I ever heard: “The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter.” Then he goes on, “Last night I came home very late, it was the next night. I tried getting into my building, but I accidentally stuck my car keys in the door and the building started up. So I drove it around for awhile. The police pulled me over for speeding. He asked me, ‘Where do you live?’ I said, ‘Right here.’ Then I parked in the middle of a highway and yelled at all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway.” From there, I was hooked. So strange, so bizarre, so insane, kind of like me. But I’m not just like him. I mean, he’s truly and utterly bizarre to the tenth degree and that’s why I like him. That’s what draws me to him, but I am a little more emotional onstage. I burn the passionate fire while he just stands there, all laid back. And he’s perfect at it, which is why he’s so good.

It’s funny because in an itnerview with him, he would talk about how he didn’t even see himself as montone or talking about abstract things. He just went out there and did what he thought was funny. That was it. It’s very simple, really. Do what you think is funny and hopefully you’ll find a group of people who also think it’s funny. If not, at least you’re amusing yourself. I also remember him telling of jokes that he thought weren’t that funny that were great with the audience as wel as things he thought were brilliantly funny that didn’t resonate with an audience. He’s just something to marvel at. I can’t wait until Saturday.  Also, look for a review of his peformance possibly on Sunday.  It will be a great time.  Peace.

Memory In Comedy

I am amazed at all the news storeis that pass on a typical day.  I’ma also amazed at all the experiences I have and how many of them aren’t remembered.  Sure, a select few are remembered as the “significant” ones, but for the most part, many of my experiences are not remembered.  I can remember some of my most cherished memories with the most accurate detail you could imagine, but some things that just don’t seem to matter, like when my friends ask me, “What did you do today?”  I usually can’t remember that.  I think the problem is that my short term memory is very lousy, but my long-term memory is pretty awesome.  So if you were to ask me what I did yesterday five years from now, I would be able to tell you in great detail what I did yesterday.

So how does memory relate to comedy?  Sure, there area obvious things, like remembering your lines or omitting certain words, but there is so much more memory applied to comedy.  Memory is a very important part of comedy.  You have to be able to visualize what you are talking about.  Once you do that, you have to remember what kind of mood you were in when you first thought of the joke.  And you have to apply it. You have to really think the way you tell the joke.  You can’t tell a joke and be thinking about if you left your stove running.  You have to remember the creative process that led to that joke, which will make it seem more spontaneous than if you just rehearse a bunch of words.  Sure, you still get the gist of it that way, but it’s not as authentic to the way you first came up with it.

 For example, I did a joke once about how I had a dream that I worked at my job and I went to my boss and said, “I worked nine hours last night in my dream.  Don’t you think I should get paid for that?”  And he was like, “No, unless you want to be paid in dream dollars.”  And I was pissed off.  “You’ve taken my life, my freedom, and now you want to take my dreams too?  For no pay?  Fuck this, I quit.”  I remember when thnking up that joke, I put a lot of emotion into it.  I was really mad about how I had a dream about working.  I want my dreams to be pleasureable, not about work. 

The only real reason I’m working at a supermarket is because I want to do research of a script I’m working on about working in supermarkets and how irritating that can be.  Like I want to get the real feel of the place.  So I’m carrying around this little notebook that fits in my pocket.  Every time something funny or something that kind of pissed me off happens, I write it down and i later look back on it and see if it strikes an emotional chord with me.  It can either be funny, frustrating, or just plain awful.  But if it does strike that kind of chord with me, it has a good chance of striking the same chord with the audience.

Emotion is a key component to memory.  If something makes you really mad or really happy, you’ll be sure to remember those incidents more than the things that mkae you indifferent or mundane.  If something makes you laugh really hard or makes you so mad you can’t think straight, you’ll tend to put that in the emotional part of your brain, which make you remember it more.

Another way I try to remember jokes is through intense visualization.  Like if I have a joke about, say juicers, which I do, I visualize this scene in which I’m frustrated as hell because every apple I put intot he juicer either gets stuck or only produces a small amount of juice.  Then there’s the pulp flying everywhere and the machine is so loud I feel like I’m at a concert near the speaker.  And then I finally put fifty apples in the damn juicer to get five ounces and it tastes terrible.  That’s the whole visualization, and it only takes about five seconds to go through all that, but it helps me with the order of the sentences of the joke and the ideas flowing correctly.  And finally, it leads to the findal conclusion.  All that work and it tastes awful.

Lsstly, I’m sure we’re all familliar with mnemonics.  These are basic memory aids, such as PEMDAS for order of operations, or the “Please excuse my dear aunt Sally.”  Whatever.  I’m sure some conedians have a long list of words or letters to help them memorize their jokes, but I find if you do it that way, you may come off as amateurish because it’s jsut kind of disorganized or too organized, whatever it is. 

If you’re that afraid you’ll forget the lines, put a piece of paper in your pocket.  Write some emergency jokes on it, or just put some emergency jokes in the back of your mind.  Jokes that you know will kill.  Jokes that you know are great.  Jokes that you wouldn’t normally use in that environment.  The audience loves surprise.  And if you ever find yourself where you can’t remember things, just pull the paper out and do some stuff from there.  That’s what I’ve done sometimes and it worked out pretty good. 

I never go up there with a set list, though.  Here’s why.  If I ever forget material, there will be this awkward pause.  And during that awkward pause, I’ve got to go in my pocket, then look down a list to figure out where I left off and that takes even more time.  Just a couple of jokes handy could allow for a great turnaround.  But affter that, it should get you back on track.  If not, just get off the stage.  You’ve told a couple of your best jokes already. 

Blogosphere

I was thinking about somehow boosting this site’s traffic with some sort of marketing ploy, but I advised against it because I am not about marketing.  I am about genuine connection with the readers.  I’ll let my readers tell other readers about this blog.  I don’t need to market it extensively.  Hell, what do I care about SEO or social bookmarking?  It’s just not relevant to me.  But I may not get as much traffic, but my main goal will be to crank out articles rather than constantly link to others’ blogs while posting a lame comment about “How to Lose Thirty Pounds in Twenty Days.”  I’m not like that.  There are very few blogs that really capture the same sort of feel as me, so I need to somehow talk to them about how they get so many readers.  I know that if I can get over 100 a day or around 3000 a month, I’ll be good, but right now I’m oscillating wildly on different days.  It’s all about who comes here.  I have to wholefullly intend for this stie’s traffic to increase, and I know it will increase eventually because I porvide original and valuable content, but I guess I just have to find a place where I can tell people about it.  I can say I run a Comedy and Humor blog on WordPress.com.  I could make little cards and place them at the library.  I could put flyers up in colleges around the campuses. 

A lot of people in the blogosphere write very shallow entries about celebrities or just a link to a post on a different blog.  What is that supposed to do for me?  Sure, you’ll get some traffic, but they won’t be reading your blog for long.  They’ll be reading other people’s blogs for many hours while only linking to yours by curiosity and eventually leaving when they realize that you have very little substance on there.  And I also find that a lot of people post very short, pointless articles about nnothing really.  They may say they’re going to the beach today.  Well, good for you.  That was a waste of reading.  I find many posts to be very superficial and don’t really delve into the topic at hand.  I just don’t understand how people like this could be getting more traffic than me.  I know my blog isn’t even three months old, but I feel like there has to be something they’re doing better than me, and I’m sure it isn’t the post depth or the original content.  It’s more on the blog network side, the linking to poular blogs, which in turn get a link on the popular blog’s site, which leads to a bunch of people from the popular blog coming to their site to be disappointed once again.  But the fact is that they’ll still come.

But I don’t want to be someone like that.  Someone who only gets superficial traffic.  I want traffic where people will come on here and read for hours and hours.  Well not yet, but sooner or later, I’l have enough content.  I want people to come on here and change the way they think, not just a way to pass the time.  I don’t want reading my blog to be a waste of time, I want it to be a good use of time.  Maybe I’ll raise the bar.  I’ll start making this place amazing, something that all the people who read will be telling their friends and family about. 

My main goal here is to make this into a fully-functioning website.  I just need the traffic.  Once I get the traffic, I can do it.  There is no sense in making a website that no one will go to.  The whole point of making a site is so people will get to see the real me.  See what I’m about, what I think about, how I go about my day.  So I am going to challenge myself here.  I challenge myself to make at least one post every day of great quality, not just quantity.  I challenge myself to do something for the next 30 days to market my site, but not in a superficial way.  I challenge myself to become a super-blogger and use methods that I have learned to boost traffic on my blog.  And finally, I challenge myself to tell people I know about my blog, who will most likely refer other people here.  These are the things I intend to do  I’m getting more traffic every day.  That is what I soley and fully want to happen.

South Park Pokes Fun at 9/11

I went to go see School for Scoundrels last night.  It was pretty funny.  It had the guy from Napoleon Dynamite and Billy Bob Thorton.  I’d give it about a seven and a half on a scale of one to ten.  We kind of left the movie early a little because I had to watch my one TV show a week, South Park.  It was an episode about the 9/11 conspiracy theories.  It was really good until the ending.  The ending kind of left me pissed off, but it was okay because the rest of it was so good.  They even had a fake version of the Hardy Boys, but they called them the Hardly Boys.  And they were so fucking gay it was hillarious.  “I’m getting a ragin clue right now.  My clue in pointing in this direction.”  Man, it was really funny.  And then the sscene where George W. Bush shoots a 911truth.org guy in the head, then ten minutes later Stan and Kyle see that same guy again alive.  It was a great fucking episode.    The animation was spectacular as well with amazing scenery shots.  I know you probably don’t see this from the two-dimensional South Park world, but this episode was special in that regard.  It was something that we had to get home for, though.  There was no waiting till 12 to watch the rerun.  It’s amazing how one show, and just one show, can make such a big impact on my life.  There really isn’t another show like that one.  If they didn’t have that show on Comedy Central or on TV at all, I would watch no TV.  But the benefits of seeing them push the envelope is so amazing that I even left a movie I paid $7.75 for to make it home in time.  Thank you, South Park and may the lord be with you.

I’m Not Normal

I’ve been waiting for a time to post something like this, so I guess now’s the time.  I have gotten confirmation that I am not normal in any way whatsoever.  So I spent the last half hour or so filling out a personality profile on eharmony.com and after I finished it, they tell me that I wasn’t able to be matched with anyone.  I wasn’t really looking for that anyway, but still, of all the people on that website, none matched anywhere near my personalities.  I could not believe it.  I was stunned, but in the back of my mind I expected it.  But am I really that different?  I guess so, but that’s not the only way to look at how I am.  Maybe I shouldn’t let eharmony tell me how to live my life.  I just find it really funny that I’m one of the ten percent of people who won’t benefit whatsoever from that website.  Now, I was just taking a FREE personality test, so maybe I didn’t go in there with a relationship in mind, but I can’t believe what happened.  Am I that weird?  I guess so.

It’s kind of funny because earlier today I was online looking at this button that says, “I’m not normal.”  It cracked me up and I almost bought it.  But I decided I could make one better myself.  I guess that was the alpha reflection and the profile was the beta reflection and confirmation that if I am ever to find a mate, it can’t be on eharmony.com.  Ha ha ha.  I can’t believe myself sometimes.  And I filled these questions out as truthfully and honestly as possible.  You know what it could have been though?  I think you have to be 21 years old to use it.  I’m only 20.  Maybe that’s why it didn’t work.  Who knows?  But I just thought I’d let my loyal readers know that I do take the road less traveled and I finally got confirmation that I am an oddity and not a normal, regular person.  So enjoy!

Funny vs. Non-Funny Friends

I’m sure most of you have friends who laugh a lot and some who never laugh at all.  Some who have a great sense of humor and some who have none.  I mean it’s pretty common.  But if you’re one of those people who is constantly hanigng out with people without any sense of humor or is completely oblivious to the word laughter, then it is probably a real drag to hang out with them.  I know that whenever I meet someone who is never in a good mood, never laughing, my first thoughts are, “Get away from this person.”  At my work, we had this guy who constantly complained, constantly bitched about other people and what they weren’t doing, saying certain people are in a bad mood, saying that he couldn’t stand his job, and every day was like this.  He eventually quit and went somewhere else.  It’s the best thing you can do for yourself. 

Then there’s another guy at my work who’s always in a good mood.  Always.  And he treats the customers with respect and usually has a good joke or two for them, even though they are stupid jokes, at least he tries to get people to smile.  His tagline to every customer is, “The greatest joy in life is to make someone else smile.”  And it’s true to some extent.  I enjoy doing that as well.  Hell, I’m going into a career that relies heavily on that fact.

While the first employee was bitching about what he didn’t get, how he had to work long hours, and how his boss was “the evilest store manager ever,” the second employee was happy and even tried to make this evil store manager laugh quite a bit.  Now he wasn’t always successful, but at least he tried to lighten up someone who everyone else is afraid to approach.  And I looked at the two and figured:  “I could talke to someone who’s constantly bitching and moaning, or I could talk to someone who always is in a good mood and willing to do anything to help.”  I don’t even have to tell you I chose the latter because the former was quite demotivating.  Sure, my job does suck, but at least I can make the best of it by sharing a few laughs with many of my coworkers.  And my friends as well.  And I usually don’t hold long and meaningful conversations with people who aren’t in a good mood or aren’t laughter-prone.  It’s just not the same.  If you’re so serious, it’s no fun talking to you.

So, the whole thing I’m getting at here is to find people with a good attitude and a great sense of humor and hold on to those people like a block of gold because they only come along once in about every two to three years.  When you do find someone like that, someone who is constantly reaffirming that fact that we’re all lucky to be alive and that life isn’t supposed to be so mundane.  It brings us back to our childhood days when laughter was as common as sneezing, maybe even moreso.  Find people who love to laugh and have a good time and you too will have that good time.  Transfer your top friends from ones who bring you down to those who bring you up to humorous accolades. 

One thing you could also do is to help the non-funny friends develop humor skills and laughter.  It make take hard work.  But just give them this fact:  When you think about something, you can think about it two ways.  One way is to think everything is terrible and awful and there’s no way you could ever see yourself doing what you want to do.  Or you could look at the bright side of life and everything will work out for you, eventually.  Just keep that attiude up.  With these two alternaives, I find it fascinating that most people choose to be depressed and negaive when there’s so much positive in the world.  It’s all about perspective, I guess.  Or maybe it’s all the TV they watch.  Well, I gotta go now, but I hope you enjoyed it.  Peace.

Looking Back for Laughter

I know that all of life isn’t funny. I certainly am aware of that. But if I’m ever feeling down or in need of a laugh, I create my own humor or look back on a previous time in my life that had me laughing uncontrollably and it brings back some of that joy. For example, I remember I was working (at a supermarket) about six months ago and this woman brings this CD into my line and says, “This is marked down.” And I look at the cover and it’s a Ruben Studdard CD, marked down from $12.99 to a dollar. A dollar. I just brust out laughing because, in a way, I had already seen this coming. I sometimes look back on it for some sporadic laughter if needed. Then I have all the great quotes from the shows I watch. Most of them have quote sites and I can just go on the site and read a few of them and get a couple of laughs out of them and it makes me feel much better. I can tune out the world around me and focus on the things that make me laugh. Some things are just very trivial, but they’re still really funny. For example, I remember one episode of South Park Where Kenny was doing all these crazy stunts for money and he eats a manatee spleen and he then vomits it all over the snow. And a kid says, “I’ll pay you ten dollars to eat your own vomit.” And Butters is like, “Yeah, you can scoop it up in my R. Kelly thermos.” R. Kelly thermos? That is just so funny to me. And even thinking about Matt and Trey’s thought process when making this thermos into the show just cracks me up. So I get some internal joy. But it is a very powrful resource to have. If you want to experience more joy in your life, why not use laughter. It even burns calories. So if you’re a little overweight, you could maybe laugh yourself to a better size. I remlember hearing a story, but I don’t have a link available because I’ve never read his book or heard of it, but it has to do with a guy who had terminal cancer and decided not go get any treatments. All he did was watch comedies and take Vitamin C. And he was cured within a year. He laughed and laughed and laughed to the point he couldn’t laugh no more and he eventually cured himself through laughter. This is one reason why I seriously encourage you to bring laugher into your life. Without it, the world can be a very bland and unappealing place. Which it’s strange why animals don’t laugh. I’ve never seen one do so. Except for the heyena, but I think he’s faking it. We are the only life form who has the capability to unleash this immense power inside ourselves…so why not use it? I don’t know anyone who doesn’t enjoy a good joke. And if I ever meet such a person, I’m positive that person will be miserable, possibly even on suicide watch. So my advice to whoever reads this blog is to go out and rent your favorite comedy movie, or if yo already own it, put it into the VCR/DVD player and just laugh your ass off until you can’t breathe. Just don’t take life so seriously, or you could end up institutionalized. Until I wrie again…

No Title Necessary

THe biggest trouble I’ve had these past six months was figuring out why the hell I’m on this Earth and what this all means.  You know, the big picture.  Astronomy can be a very discouraging science to study as it really lets you know how insignificant you are.  It makes you think that nothing really matters at all.  And maybe things are better that way.  Think about it.  You do something you regret.  Deosn’t matter compared to the universe.  Compared to all of existence.  But if you really come from inside, you can find meaning in your life, but the meaning of everything and how it’s connected still gets to me.  I can’t connect the dots to this world and the gigantic universe.  Why was all of that even created if we never actually experience any of it?  How do we know there are other life forms out there if we’ve never seen any? 
I think it’s time for me to get into my spaceship and go see for myself because I don’t think I”m going to get any anwers here.  Just trying to figure it out this way is getting me nowhere.  I know that the universe exists, but I’m not sure to what degree.  How can we be sure that there are other things out there and not just projections of other things?  And what kind of pure randomness allowed for our planet to have life?  Why did we end up being in the perfect position for that?  And why am I me and not someone else?  Why me? Why not you?  It only makes sense.  Waht the hell are we here for and why should we care?  Even if we do build up the Earth to be really advanced and all that stuff, what will it mean with respect to the entire universe?  And why can’t I get any answers? 
It’s almost as if we really don’t exist.  How can we prove that this isn’t just some sort of weird dream that never ends?  And when we go to sleep, it’s like a dream in a dream.  But for some reason, this dream is very stable while the dream in a dream changes nightly, sometimes.  I’ve got a full time job in my dream world, although it’s the same on I have here in the “real world,” but I don’t get paid when I dream about my work because I guess there’s no reason to be paid as I can’t bring it back to this world.  That would be nice though, wouldn’t it?  Getting paid for dreaming about working.  And I don’t care about the Employee’s Dream Working Act of 1967, I should get paid for it.
But I wonder even about my dreams.  What do they represent and how do they connect to my real life?  Sometimes I have an idea, but sometimes I don’t.  It’s like if you dream something about your childhood, what is that supposed to mean?  That you should be a child again, or does it mean you have some sort of problem you have to work out?  How the hell should I know?  I just wish someone would tell me.
It’s almost as if we live in this world, have no idea why, but for some reason, we try everything to ensure our survival.  But for what?  What are we living for?  Is there something out there we seek?  When will we discover the true purpose of our existence?  Is there even one, or are we just here for absolutely nothing?  Is this God’s cruel joke?  “Let’s see if these people can last for 3 million years.  Any takers?”  Because we’re kind of the “new guys” in the world as many animals alive today were alive long before us.  So what gave us the right of taking over the whole world and even eating the other animal because they’re not as smart as us?  Does that really make sense?  What’s going to be next?  Eating retarded people?  Then ignorant people?  I mean we don’t even have respect for animals that have lived millions of years longer than us.  Think about that.  Our only thought when looking at them is, “Mmm, that’ll be good on Thanksgiving.”  Animals that live in harmony with one another and we build roadways and stadiums to disrupt their living space and if they ever try to reclaim it, we call an exterminator.  Killing animals and insects because they’re a nuisense.  Is that fair?  I don’t think so, but it’s the way we live our lives.
You’re probably wondering why this post isn’t that funny.  It’s because I’m trying to figure out what the hell is going on and why we’re all here doing what we’re doing and what it all means.  I’m simply trying to express my innermost deep thoughts.  Like supposedly there’s this path in life that we all have to follow or we’re crazy or something.  First, go to school, then college, then get a job, get married, have kids, get a house with a white picket fence and a dog named Sparky.  Eventually retire, and then do meaningless activities until you die.  Is that a way to live?  That’s what society wants us to do.  Well I’ll tell you something right now.  Very few people will find true happiness like that.  True happiness is going for what you believe in.  Doing things that may put you at risk, but doing them anyway because that’s who you are.  Don’t let other people and society stand in your way.  Compared to the rest of the universe, who are they?  They’re nothing but a triviality.  They’re not much more than you as an individual, so it shouldn’t be hard to resist its conditioning.  We don’t all have to follow the same path.  It wasn’t meant to be that way.  And that’s why I chose comedy.  Not because other people do it.  Not because other people want me to do it.  But because I want to do it.  Because I have a passion for it.  “But it doesn’t really matter.”  I know, but it matters to me, the only opinion that really counts in my world.   It’s me, the creator of my life that decides what matters and doens’t matter.  And that’s a wrap.

FDA Are Bastards

Perscription drugs are crazy.  They always claim to have a new disease out, and then they make some drug for it, which in turn creates side effects.  The side effects are usually worse than the condition you’re treating, so now you have to take more perscription drugs to treat the side effects, which in turn have more side effects.  And the cycle continues until you have every perscription drug on the market, wallowing in thousands of pills a day for the rest of your life.  So why do we put up with this?  Most of these drugs are just a quick fix to a problem.  There’s usually a bigger, better solution that people just don’t want to commit to, so they take a pill and it temporarily eases their pain.  But after awhile, they become used to the drug, and then they need to up the dosage to get the same effect, which means they have to buy more and the drug companies, mainly the FDA, gets all the profits.  I just don’t see how they can live with themselves. 

If you get on a drug that helps you with depression, it causes weight gain, so now you have to take a pill that induces weight loss, but that makes your heart beat too fast, so now you have to take heart medication, which causes inpotence.  So now you have to take Viagra, which leads to you having sex like crazy and eventually suffering a massive heart attack.  So now  you’re even more depressed, so you get put on Paxil, which causes hair loss, so now you have to get rogaine, which causes paranoid thoughts.  So they end up putting you on some anti-psychotic drug and now you just walk around like a zombie all day, all because you started out depressed.  Your perscrition bill is over $500 a month and you don’t even realize it because you’re all zonked out because of all the pills you’re taking. 

Then you buy into the whole Life Alert thing.  You know, that thing that if you ever fall or have a heart attack while no one’s around, you can press a button and the ambulance will show up at your house.  That’s another 50 or so a month that you give away.  You never use it, except that one time you rolled over in bed and accidentally pressed it.  The ambulance ride costs you seventy dollars, and you didn’t even ride in it.  It’s messed up.  But we all accept it.  And i don’t know why.  I think we need to stand up and do something.

Did you know that the FDA has a monopoly on any cure for anything?  They state that the only thing that can cure a condition is a drug.  When they know damn well that other things can cure people.  What about herbs and stuff?  What about good foods and a healthy diet?  Why would those cure anything?  They’re not drugs.  What a bunch of morons.  Like a pill is going to cure your obesity.  The only thing it might do is lower your self-esteem. 

 Then there’s the king of it all:  Restless Leg Syndrome.  You’ve got to be kidding me.  Supposedly this is a syndrome where right before you’re about to fall asleep, your legs start moving uncontrollably.  Come on.  And they actually have a pill for this.  I’ve heard of some fake diseases in my day, but this takes the cake.  If your legs move at night, you should tie them to the fucking bedposts.  Don’t spend money on pills that could just as well be spent on some good shackles.  I’m not going to push this point any further, but it just doens’t make any fucking sense.

Then there’s the Social Anxiety Disorder.  These are people who are afraid of people.  They’re afraid of social situations.  Get over it!  You don’t need a fucking pill to solve your problems for you, unless that pill is Get Over It.  If you’re afraid of talking to someone in public, then go out and do it.  Eventually, you’ll get over your fear.  Don’t think a stupid fucking pill is going to solve your problems for you.  It’s just a circular half centimeter in diameter drug. 

I guess that’s all I really have to say about them.  Too many side effects, too many pills.  Somehow to control all our problems, or so it seems.  But it’s when you get to the core of the motivation behind these bastards, you’ll see it all comes down to a bunch of green papers known as money.  So remember that when you see the next drug ad, “Have you ever fallen asleep watching TV?  You could have Dozing Off Syndrome.  here’s a pill that will help.  Side effects include: vomiting, death, SIDS, homicidal thoughts, suicidal thoughts, cancer, kidney failure, herpes, and restless leg syndrome.”  Good night, yall.