Here’s an issue I’m going through right now in my life. Around three and a half years ago, I was found completely cured of a cancerous brain tumor through two brain surgeries and thirty days of radiation. It will be four years in April. It was the biggest challenge of my life and the most unexpected one. I learned quite a bit in the year I was sidelined due to massive headaches and double vision. Everything else was thrown to the side. The most important thing was staying alive.
I don’t believe I have yet gotten out of this mindset. I still feel the same way. As long as I’m alive, I’m happy. I don’t really need anything else to give me happiness. I don’t need money, a good job, a healthy relationship, none of that matters so much. Beating cancer has made me extremely grateful for life itself.
And yet this feeling of intense gratitude stifles me at times. I don’t feel I have to prove anything to anyone. I don’t really care about the things other people do. I don’t care how much money I pull in or how many friends are on my Myspace page. All I care about is living. Living, breathing, ascending to a higher state of consciousness. Allowing myself to see what is going on behind the scenes. Being alive has become what I live for.
This is only a dilemma in the eyes of other people. I see no problem with this way of life. But society tends to push you into things, things you’re not sure are right for you, things that will supposedly give you a better life, when you aren’t concerned with a better life in the sense of material possessions, but a life well lived in principles. I’m not looking for external success because that is utterly meaningless to me. What I look for is a sort of internal success, a feeling of peace and love radiating from me. That is what I am striving towards.
It is more challenging than many external goals, as it can be taxing emotionally and mentally. But through doing this, I gain a new perspective on myself, on the world, on nature, and start to become closer to enlightenment. I’m not doing this for bragging rights or social status, but to help myself become a better person. Isn’t that the meaning of life? To do to others as you would want them to do to you. The golden Rule.
But society complicates things, puts all these other activates, other bombardments that fill you with negative influences and take you away from your true mission. All of the things we believe we’re supposed to do, when most of those things are entirely optional.
for example, television and tabloid magazines are a perfect example. First of all, they encourage you to live a materialistic lifestyle and secondly, they show you a barrage of negative gossip and ideas that you pick up on and it distracts you from being the best person you can be. I feel like I’ve become less needy for approval and recognition. I no longer need approval for my way of life. I know it is the right thing to do.
Another aspect of beating the cancer was I now no longer have any fear of death. If I am to die, so be it. I know there is something there for me on the other side. I know I have a spirit inside of me, and when my physical body runs out of fuel, I will be able to exist in some spiritual form, for all eternity.
But what to do with the remainder of my existence? I’m thinking about organizing some sort of collaborative enterprise or possibly a think tank. Something of the sort. Where we sit around and share high-level ideas in a non-judgmental session. We try and get to the core of reality and how it works. We live in harmony with nature and allow for us all to share our stories. We work towards a feeling of peace and love. We do everything we feel we need to and nothing more. We live.
I hope this post was of some help, as it helped me get through a tough patch of negative thoughts. Getting people together to share ideas is a great idea. I sure hope it allows me to get new perspecitves on life and even catch holes in my thinking.