I remember watching one of those kids’ shows on PBS when I was about six or seven, playing some stupid song titled, “Everyone is Special.” It went on to decribe the differences between different children and how it all makes them beautiful in their own way. How charming! Honestly, I think most of that is a crock of you know what, but it does have some truth to it. Everyone is different, meaning we all have different experiences that we could make funny.
I’ll give you an example: I am very unique by trade. One of my most unique endeavors was my bout with brain cancer. i had brain cancer for about a year and went through three brain surgeries, radiation, unbearale pain, and slow recovery time. Sure, many people may ask, “What’s funny about that?” Everything! I had a whole routine on the hospital and how you’re just a number in there. You lose your complete identity. It’s not “Hello, Andrew,” but “Hello, patient number 3715674.” And they treat you like you’re a fucking toddler. “Do you want to get up and try and walk today? Huh? Do you? After that, we can do finger painting. Yay!” And the ridiculous hospital clothes. Holly shit. But that’s an experience that makes me unique. Oh, I also lost my hair because of the radiation, and for some reason, only half of i grew back. I guess the rest of it was like, “Forget this cancer kid, we don’t wanna risk falling out again.”
I’m sure all of you have your unique experiences that define who you are. Then theer’s the you in the present. Who are you today? What do you think about? What are you thinking about right now while you’re half-reading this blog? It’s not that I really care, it’s just that who you are now is the most important part. If you used to be a drug user, don’t talk about how you still use drugs. Maybe tell the audience you used to, and how hard it was to get off them. Don’t talk about things that are no longer authentic to you. Here’s a great joke about drugs from comedian Mitch Hedberg. “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”
Everyone is different. Unique. You’re this snowflake that’s dying to share some of your unique experiences with the world. The things that have happened to you don’t have to be funny. That’s where you come in and put a funny spin on it. I’ve heard comedians joke about their suicide attempts. Now, that may not be funny to everyone, but with a certain audience, it resonates. Here’s an example from Paula Poundstone . “I tried using carbon monoxide, but my building has a big underground parking garage so it was taking a really long time. I had to bring along a stack of books and some snacks. People would go by and tap at the window and say, “How’s that suicide coming?” and I’d say, “Pretty good, thank you, I feld drowsy earlier today.” It’s pretty funny to an extent. Here’s one from Patton Oswald, “I would jump off a really big building, but before I did it, I’d fill my pockets with candy and gum, so when I landed people could go, ‘Hey, a Snickers!”
Beaically any life event is funny. Christopher Titus did a whole one-person show about his dysfunctional family. It was entitled “Norman Rockwell is Bleeding.” It had everything from laughter to sadness. Although I do use personal experiences in some of my acts, I think I’m more suited to be talking about obscure topics and how they coexist simultaneously. But that’s just the way I am. I like to talk about things that are pretty funny, like when you think you’re alone in a public bathroom or things I do when I’m alone that no one really knows about. It’s shit that’s funny to me, and to many audience members. I finally realized who I was, and I sure hope you do the same.
On a complete and utter side note, I’ve decided, eventually, to convert this blog onto my up-and-coming website. Once I learn, to a certain degree, HTML, CSS, SEO, blog carnivalling, and other very powerful technical skills, I want to make blogging my career, or at least part of it. Wish me luck, universe. Good day.