How I Write Jokes

People will often ask me, “Andrew, how do you come up with this stuff?”  It’s not an easy thing to explain.  You have to really be me to know how the inner workings come up with such prepostorous stuff.  I never know when it will strike me, but I make sure I always have something to write on when it does.  It’s not even really making the effort either.  I mean, sometimes I’ll try to think up some jokes and maybe I’ll get one or two good ones out of five that I feel I had to “force.”  But it’s better for me to think of jokes while in a conversation or while thinking about something else.  I think of more observational stuff when I’m just talking and hanging out.  It’s more or less the equivalent of a joke writing opiphany.  Or however you spell that word.  Sometimes I’ll just write stuff and shit will just come out.  It’s like one of my jokes was “in the closet” waiting to burst out and tell the world it exists.  I don’t know.  It just happens. 

Sometimes, when I watch comedians, I develop ideas about different things.  That is why I love to watch different comedians and see how my ideas are similar to them.  But many of my ideas are different than theirs as well.  But one comedian, named Jim Gaffigan, did this joke that just spoke so true to me, it was amazing:  “You ever had one thing to do all day, but you just didn’t do it?  You’re like, ‘I gotta go to the bank, but that means I’d have to put on pants.  I’ll have to do that next week.'”  That just reminds me of how I think.  Relatable material.  In some respect, that’s what sells.  One thing that really resonates with me is getting all motivated to do something and then just “not.”  It’s like you get all geared up to do something and then ya don’t.  It’s like, “I’m gonna start my own business, yeah!  Let’s do it!”  Then the next day, I’m like, “What the hell was I thinking?  Starting my own business?  How gay is that?”

One thing I like about developing jokes is putting a set list together.  I like to surprise people.  For example, mixing up jokes is one of my specialties. Many comedians you know like to transition their material, but not me.  I do it like I just thought of each joke as it comes to me. It’s more real, at least to me.  Like I may do a joke about volunteering at an old folk’s home, then go to Native Americans trying to get a reservation at the Olive Garden.  It’s all up here.

One tool that really works well for developing original premises is journaling.  Just either when you wake up, or right before you go to bed, just write stuff down.  Write whatever comes off your hand to the pen.  Whatever is in the back of your mind, push it to the front and let it loose.  Jerry Seinfeld used to write for one hour every day and used a timer, supposedly.  That’s a little too structured for me. 

A lot of comedians like to tell stories.  I find that really boring, unless there’s jokes peppered throughout the whole thing.  If there isn’t, it’s like watching a slide show of my aunt’s trip to the barren landscape of Arizona.  I mean, come on.  Make me laugh, don’t make me sleep.  People like stories, though.  I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because they feel they can relate to it.  Like a story about a breakup.  But if you’re going to do that, at least have a few punchlines in there.  Not only one because it’s going to take too long to get where you need to go, which will make the audience forget what you were talking about.

One-liners are jokes that often get a big response, but they often don’t have much substance to them.  But they can be very funny.  Steven Wright, Rodney Dangerfield, Mitch Hedberg.  They’re all somewhat household names among comedy fans.  Among non-comedy fans, I’m sure no one knows who they are, but that’s not important.  They’re not the people who will be able to carry on long conversations about the dilvery of Carrot Top

I really want to call Comedy Cabana and see if I can open for someone soon.  It’s mostly going to be after I get my driver’s license (I’m 20).  Once I can go down there and hang out with the comedians and eventually headline there, I’ll be awesome.  It’s just the transportation problem right now.  Eventually, I’m hoping to go somewhere that I have at least six or seven comedy clubs to oscillate between, which will give me optimal stage time.  Also, open mic nights are key.  I’ve done my share of those.  All I gotta say is I have the material.  If you were to look at all my jokes, (100s of pages), you’d know I could wow quite a bit of audiences, so I need to start performing more and getting more laughs.   But I believe I’ve got the material down.  On to performing!  Peace out.  (I have performed over ten times. I just need to do it more frequently.)

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32 Responses to How I Write Jokes

  1. AL says:

    You’ve got the material, that’s great. I’m beginning also, and I have a lot of material. Of course, for every ten jokes I write, only one is really golden, really solid. Anyway, if you’d like to trade jokes (not trade them for the other to perform, but just to bounce ideas around), hit me up.

    Al

  2. clifford gregory says:

    one day clifford was walking past julia knowles,when suddenly,she asked
    “can you unblock my pipes.?” i looked at her and replied
    “have you finished with the painters?” this is my joke and now a bit about me.I am cliffo gregory,and am a cunting bastard who tells fibs.i collect boiled sweets and brussle sprouts.i love a man called bill glice

  3. Komic Kaze says:

    I find the best jokes are sarcasm and stating the obvious. George Carlin and Denis Leary are my favorite comedians.

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  6. Funnebone says:

    I am trying to find a blog or website that actually explains the thinking process of humor. I want to know why I am funny so I can grow instead of waiting for funny things to pop into my head. I will let you know if I find this secret formula

  7. chris mortlock says:

    can you help ive been told im halarious and im quick witted, i want to take it further than social banter but the trouble is im no good at writing them its kind of spur of the mo things that i come out with and people find them hilarious. i want to get in to proffesional comedy but dont know ehere to start

  8. chris mortlock says:

    contd from above…example i was workin as a security guard in a supermarket and our carpark became grid locked a police officer came up to me and aid wheres your high vis vest..i said its daylight why would i want to wear a hi-vis he said its so you can be seen…i brought my hands up to my face, then started to pat myself down, and said since when av i been invible..everyone in earshot just burst out with laughter.

  9. onesohosqq2 says:

    so you say telling a story can sometimes be long winded, what about this story about the day my 12 year old son and I were driving to the local mall and out of his mouth comes this little sound of excited, and I ask him what the hell was that, he responds by telling me he just farted and it tickled his ball sack,

  10. Aurora says:

    most everyone knows who mitch headburg and rodney dangerfield are.

  11. Hindi Jokes says:

    You can also see some good hindi jokes at my blog.

  12. Hindi Jokes says:

    You can also see some good hindi jokes at my blog.

  13. Hindi Jokes says:

    My blog also have some good hindi jokes

  14. John says:

    Great post! I’ve been looking for a blog with some Hindi jokes but I can’t find them ANYWHERE! Anyone want to help?

  15. Tim says:

    Finally I can get my fill of Hindi jokes. My life will soon be fulfilled. I am going to put on my calendar visit the Hindi joke site. Also thank you for posting three times in a row the same line. You must have known I have a very short attention span.

  16. anton says:

    is this website no longer active?

  17. Santa Banta says:

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    Both take up too much space on the bed.
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    Both are threatened by their own kind.
    Both mark their territory.
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    Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches.
    Neither does any dishes.
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    Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
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  18. Miko Stanson says:

    I don’t even know if anyone will look at this, but you’re twenty, you’ve done ten sets at the time of writing, and you’re giving tips on comedy. That’s funny. “How to live” by some kid who writes overconfident blogs. I gotta say, if nothing else, let the overconfidence carry you. If you think you’re this good at this stage, and you are persistent, you’ll go a long way. Look at all the other shmoes delivering dog shit punchlines in front of huge audiences. Comedy is like TV, 99% of it fucking blows. I feel like that’s too negative, you could be great, I just get a chip on my shoulder when motivated people threaten me. Good luck… I’m starting to think this is a joke. If it is, you are funnier than I gave you credit for, but still an ass. Speaking of negative, you know what I hate? Wannabe stand ups commenting on some shlub’s blog post trying to one up each other with shitty jokes and gag messages. Fuckin stand ups. My new years resolution was to be more positive but my girlfriend is never gonna read this so fuck it.

  19. Malcolm McThisguyisafuckhead says:

    You’re a fucking idiot.

  20. Bill says:

    That ballsack joke was the funniest thing on this page. By far.

  21. rohit says:

    you are very funny

  22. rohit says:

    how are you

    • Bigjake says:

      I think all of u guys suck whale penises n ur jokes smell like curdled goat milk. If I was any of ur women I’d mail myself back to the factory I was made in… sorry guys ur jokes are like tranny prostitutes with hairy armpits … i’ll pass. Lastly to the guy with the Toddler sack dissing the young kid with less experience than an 8 year old Molly Ringwald… ur just an old azz clown using old azz nouns let a Young kid thru sit ur old azz down… BALLGAME

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  25. jaronnewyork says:

    I dig,Building stage presence is key, I’ve been beating myself up because the shift I work makes it hard to do open mics,

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  28. Tractariauto says:

    Un articol bun. Cred ca ar trebui sa dezvolti subiectele din acest domeniu.

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