Citations Are Lame

As Steven Wright once said, “I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.”  I really think that this could be a fun project.  Writing your own unauthorized autobiography.  You’ll be writing it, but you never gave consent that you could write it.  It’s quite a concept.  But then you gotta site all these sources and bullshit, so it’s not really worth it.  I really wish you didn’t have to cite sources you didn’t like.  I hate how people always want credit for what they wrote, even if you have no idea that they wrote it.  Like if you introduce some idea that you thought of, but it so happens that someone else had thought of that idea as well, independent of you knowledge, then you are plagiarizing that person unknowingly.  Is that really fair.  You could have reached what you thought was a stroke of genius, only to find out later that you received a zero on the paper because some other person thought of it first. 

This is yet another reason why I think Turnitin.com is the worst website in the history of websites.  Not only does it take away your freedom, it also compares your paper to every paper ever turned in through that website.  So every high school or college student in the world’s paper is compared to yours.  And if three to four words in a row are similar, then you are guilty of plagiarism.  How messed up is that?  I am against people just copying and pasting whole paragraphs from other people’s papers into theirs, but how in the world do they expect us to be completely different from millions of people who we’ve never met before?  It’s really not fair.  But people are so overprotective of their work that they’ll do anything to ensure it’s safety.  It’s such a bunch of you know what. 

I try and write from my heart and soul and convey my voice in a personal fashion–in a way that’s true to me.  But I’m sure other people have written similar sentences to the one I’m writing right now.  Just because I hold the same idea doesn’t mean I’m plagiarizing.  It just means I have the same idea of someone I don’t even know exists.  So why should I get in trouble because of something that was out of my control.

I hate research papers.  Anyone who knows me can tell you that.  I’d rather give my opinion on something just based on my opinion on it.  Why should I have to prove to you why I believe what I believe?  It’s my belief.  I am totally fine if you don’t agree with me.  That’s up to you.  I’m not trying to sell you insurance, I’m just trying to make my point.  I shouldn’t have to put a bibliography at the bottom of it.  These are my thoughts.  Sure, they may be influenced by some sort of external stimuli, but just because they are doesn’t mean that I have to put their name, book, website, and home phone number at the bottom of the page.  I should do this only if I want to do this.  Like if I talk about a comedian I like, I’ll link to his site because I want you to get a better understanding of what I’m taling about.  But there’s no way in hell that I’m going to link to something like Pavlov’s dogs.  Wait, I just did.  Damn it.

I just have a big problem dealing with the fact that people think if you come up with a great idea, you have to look back at everyone who ever existed to see if they thought that to, and if they’re still alive, they’ll sue you.  I’m all about originality, but maybe what’s original to me someone else thought of in 1056 B.C. and wrote it down.  Someone finds it, so now I gotta explain why I stole this old philosopher’s idea.  Well, because I wanted to.  Because I definitely knew it existed.  Yeah, I was there when he wrote it, Testicles the Greek philosopher bastard talking about he Sandwich Theorm (not the calculus one).  I bet you in that time, there was no such thing as a sandwich.  Ha.  More on the sandwich theorem later.  It’s one of my favorite things to talk about.  Well, until next time, don’t do works cited pages, biblographies, quotes, or ever use Turnitin.com.

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