Back to Basics

October 31, 2006

I haven’t really been working on my comedy very much lately.  I don’t know what it is, but it’s just that I feel like I have some sort of block in my head when it comes to thinking up funny stuff all the time.  I have come up with a few jokes, but they haven’t been that spectacular, but I thought one of them was pretty good, I guess:  “Whenever someone sees a baby, they like to talk to it with some crazy high pitched voice, ‘Oh, did you have a good nap?’  I’m not like that.  I just talk to it.  ‘When are you gonna get a job?'”  I guess it’s a little misleading, but whatever.  I’m not here to impress anyone, just to get all these thoughts out.  I also came up with another joke yesterday, but I’m sure it won’t strike a chord with many audiences, as most people don’t know what an astral projection is.  But here it goes anyway:  “I used to have a job on the astral plane.  It was a bitch to get there.  The traffic…” 

These are jokes in their rawest form.  I actually thought of a joke in a dream.  I don’t know if i wrote about it yet, as I don’t even read my own blog.  No, I haven’t, I’m pretty sure.  It goes something like this.  “I had a dream that I thought of a really funny joke.  Here’s how it went.  ‘Sometimes I like to wander around aimlessly for days, even months.  One time I ended up in Montana and I didn’t know how to get home.  So I called 911.  She asked me ‘Where are you?’  I said, ‘I don’t know.”  Well, it was funny in my dream.”  It went something to that effect.  But I’m working on another joke of some sort about work and how when it’s check day, you have like this feeling that if you don’t get your check that moment that it’s suddenly going to disappear into thin air.  It’s like you walk into work and you ask if you can have your check and they say, “Wait a minute.”  So you do, but while you’re waiting, you’re thinking, “This is taking too long.  I need my check now.”  And you keep waiting, but you start getting more nervous.  And then they finally start looking for it, but they can’t seem to find it right away, so youget more and more nervous.  “Maybe it’s not in there.  Maybe those bastards forgot to mail my check.”  And eventually they find it and everything’s okay.  Except your state of mind.

Maybe something like that, but I can’t be sure.  I write all of these ideas on scraps of paper while I either work or just sit around.  I catalogue them in my word processor in a category called New Jokes Excellent.  Then I color code them for how good I think they are, but I feel like whenever I come up with a new joke, I usually think that it’s really good right away, but then my liking for it fades over time.  I have trouble organizing them or making a set list.  I don’t know what it is, but I feel like organization is not one of my strong points, but that’s kind of good for the ADD age.  People will forget what you were talking about a minute ago anyway, so what’s the point in going into any type of story?  I like to create jokes that exist in time and space and expand, like the universe.  I don’t tell long jokes because I feel like they kind of have too many filler words and filler jokes to get to the last joke.  Besides, I’m not that good at act-outs.  I’m better at explaining things through my descriptive nature.  Although detail isn’t wnat people always want, I feel like I can use words and gestures to completely explain my state of being.

But I feel like I am in the minority when it comes to fear of public speaking.  It doesn’t really trouble me too much.  I know there is no real danger, especially if I’m in a crowd of people I’ve never met before.  They’re not going to ever see me again, for the most part, so if I totally piss them off, no big deal ,right?  But coming up with a logical sequence of jokes has been a real challenge for me.  The problem is that if I have some sort of sequence where joeks that follow one another are like each other, I can sort of remember them better.  but if I just have these absract thoughts coming one after another, it becomes increasing harder to remember which jokes goes where, which will ultimately add to significantly more rehearsal time.

People have compared me to Steven Wright and Jerry Seinfeld, but I don’t really think I fall into those categories.  I certainly think a lot like Wright and have some other thoughts sort of  like Jerry, but I am my own unique entity.  I have separate and distinct thought patterns from them.  I don’t really think on the same wavelength as them, but my styles are similar in some way. 

The biggest thing I want to preach in comedy is honesty.  I will only tell jokes that I honestly think are funny to both me and a supposed audience.  Sure, the audience in my imagination is usually much more open than the one I will naturally come in contact with.  They also tend to alugh a bit more, but there’s no denying their existence, eventually.  I really wish I could do stand-up in the morning though because I feel I’m at my best for on-the-fly jokes, as I can naturally bring a progression of thoughts much better.  I just don’t know any comedy club that would have a sufficient audience at that hour.

Comedy is really an exercise is self-exploration.  All the jokes I tell come from deep inside of me.  I don’t know where they come from exactly, but the factory that makes them can sometimes be defective, but I have ways to rectify the problem.  But the neurons in my brain that work so hard to connect seemingly unrelated objects into pure hilarity sure deserve some credit.  The rest of the credit is due to external things and just general observations.  I’ve been working really hard at what I do and performing, even to a small group of ten to fifteen people is a joy.  I sometimes even perform for my family. 

I know I’m funny.  All my friends in college would tell other people my jokes when i wasn’t around, and they’d tell me about it.  And I’m pretty protective of my jokes, so I asked them, “Did you use a works cited page linked to me?”  I would have friends who would use my catchphrases and other things.  One of the saying I would often use is, “This is why we can’t have nice things.”  Another one was “deliciously” describing things like “deliciously evil, decliciously absurd, etc.”  But it was the spirit of everything.  I always had something to say and for the most part it was funny.  I would often make up things on the spot, as I pretty much felt that it was my duty to do so. 

But now I feel like it’s too limited just to be funny.  I also want to be intelligent.  I’ve decided to go back to college on a semi-regular basis.  Possibly three to four classes and working towards a degree.  I probably think the degree with be in mathematics, but it doesn’t really matter to me.  As long as I have a degree, I guess.  Then I may go for a masters in communication.  I don’t know.  It all depends what happens with this whole comedy thing.  I will always love comedy and I will always write comedy, not to mention, I will always write, period.  So no matter what I end up doing, be it comedy or writing, or some crazy math job, I’m always going to work on my passion, whether or not it generates income for me.  Generating income from my passion would be nice, as I will be in total control of my life, unlike working for an evil bovine master.  So with all respect, it would ba amazing to be able to leverage my ability to make people laught, but I’m not all about that.  Part of me is that.  But the rest of me wants to stimulate the mind and I do that in my comedy, but I feel like I have more to give as well, so bear withme if this blog isn’t always funny or always making you laugh because I feel that just making people laugh will make you become one of those one-dimensional people.  Until next time, peace.


Upping the Ante

October 29, 2006

Living in such a crazy world is not as easy as it looks.  I try realy ared to maintain the fact that what I talk about has to be moderately funny, but right now, I”m at a crossroads in my life.  I have a unique talent for both comedy and writing.  I could pursue either of the two, but pursuing both at the same time is completely insane.  I’d have to devote more than my share of time to both areas, which would probably lead to me getting burned out.  I think I might want to write a novel, well, maybe a short story.  Actually, why not a poem?  It doesn’t really matter.  I’ve just got to finish something.  that’s my problem.  Finishing things.  I’m great at starting things.  I can write even twenty pages or more.  I even wrote an eighty page book, but then I just stopped writing in it and it’s like if I try to go back, it will mean I have to read it all over again. 

Right now I’m in the middle of writing a BI-LO script and also writing a serious book about a man who has completely isolated himself from society.  They’re both a work in progress.  But the both require different mindsets to write.  There is much more dialogue in the BI-LO script than in the book because the guy in my book doesn’t really talk to anyone, ever.  But he talks through the book.  It’s written in first person, so everything I write is thought through his eyes.  I enjoy doing this, although it will take maybe another two to three months to finish this.  But I’m flowing with ideas from it, but I can never remember what I’ve already written about this character.  It’s a very interesting book so far, to me at least.

The BI-LO script is about the place where I currently work.  It is a terrible place to work, and it’s not especially conducive to creativity.  But I’m working on turning my world into a script.  It’s not my entire world, but it’s an integral part of it.  I just want to make a film that people can relate to.  Something that they find funny and also very thought-provoking. 

I also want to write some short stories about different things.  I just want to go deeply into character development and really allow people to get to know the characters I’m talking about.  By doing that, I kind of have an advantage.  I love detail and things like that, so it shouldn’t be too hard to come up with very interesting characters and dialogue.

Lastly, I want to come out with some kind of book about laziness.  Something to the effect where relaxation and meditation are key to being more productive while doing less work.  I could talk about the Law of Attraction or something, but I’m not sure that I want to be like everybody else.  My main goal is to create something unique, something totally me.  Something that can express my inner self directly and indirectly.  Not my ego, but my spirit.  I know that writing is what I was put on this earth to do, and the comedy will be a nice supplement.  I can take it out whenever I feel it is necessary. 

I am a big fan of dark comedies.  I love them to the point of utter insanity.  Two of my favorites are American Psycho and The Cable Guy.  Movies that have a great plot and also make you laugh.  I love things like that.  Especially the dark nature of each.  I may write some kind of dark comedy with an insane character that has a profession in fucking up lives.  I’m just bursting with ideas right now, but the only problem I’m having is working on all of these things simultaneously.  Maybe I should take one project at a time.  I’m not sure.  The thing is that I don’t know if in ten months if I’ll still be interested in certain projects that I think are good now.  I have to keep a running notebook of ideas, which probably means I’ll have to buy a computer keyboard so I can put my laptop further away and put the notebook on my desk and the keyboard below.  Never mind.  I don’t have to do that.  But I am going to try to finish my script and novel about a solitary man.  Well, I’ve got to get ready for work now, so I’ll be back some other time.

One-Dimensiional People

October 28, 2006

I am not trying to talk about anyone specific, but there are these types of people out there that only represent one thing and it’s really sad.  Like I’m sure there are a lot of comedians that only do comedy and don’t do anything else and that’s a shame.  Comedy is a way of life, definitely, but it’s not something I want to base my entire life around.  I need balance.  I need to focus on things that have nothing to do with comedy sometimes.  For example, I sometimes work on developing my intuition or my versatility.  I work on developing myself, growing.  I like to write serious things as well.  I like working hard to understand myself to the point that I know exactly what I’m capable of and what I can accomplish and I push myself constantly to achieve what I want to achieve. 

I like to relax, and sometimes when I’m with hyperactive people, I sometimes need a break.  It’s like they’re saying, “Let’s do this, let’s do that, let’s go here, let’s go there.”  And I’m like, “Can we take a break between all of this?”  I feel like some people are all about occupying their mind constantly, which is terrible for becoming more than you are.  I spent an entire week this week watching movies with my friend who stayed here for a week or so.  He was so into always doing something, but the something that we were doing wasn’t really worth it.  It was very demotivating because I had made a lot of progress by not watching TV, but because he had to be constantly entertained, it wasn’t really meaningful entertainment.  It was not a bad experience, but it could have been more meaningful in the sense that if he was on the same vibrational path as me, but I have a feeling that he’s not going to ever make it up here.  And I can’t do naything to help him because he’s so into his lifestyle now and it’s so stable that he probably is afraid to disconnect.

God I hate people who just don’t get it.  They have no idea why they are on this planet or why they do what they do.  I don’t like people who drown out their sorrows in alcohol, drugs, and TV.  I don’t like it when people just don’t care about what’s going on in their lives.  I just don’t think one-dimensional people really know what’s going on.

People have to develop different parts of their lives to become whole.  You can’t spend your entire life just working on one thing all the time.  You can’t wake up every day and do the same thing.  I don’t think that’s an effective way to live and maybe if we learn to work on different parts of our life, then we can finally become ourselves.

I guess I should close with a joke:  Last night I had a dream that I was thinking of a joke.  “I sometimes wander around aimlessly for hours.  One time I ended  up in Utah.  I didn’t know where I was, so I called 911.  They said, ‘Where are you?’  I said, ‘That’s what I’m trying to find out.’  Well, it was funnier in my dream.”

A Different Kind of Pyramid Scheme

October 26, 2006

My job is a pyramid scheme.  It may not look like one from the outside, but on the inside, it does.  There’s one guy at the top, a boss or whatever, then there’s like four or five people directly under him, whose main job is to do most of the managerial type work, then below that, there’s more customer service people than the managerial people, and then below that there are cashiers and baggers, whose numbers outlive the rest of the entire store.  There are some side jobs, like stocking and meat and dairy departments, but those are also mini pyramid schemes on a much smaller scale.  But here’s how they run.  The people at the top make the most money and it trickles down to the lowest job, which is actually the most physically demanding, and most likelly the person that doest he most work, but he makes much less than the people at the top who have it pretty good because they don’t have to do hardly any work.  So therein lies the problem.  People really need to stop having jobs like this where everyone gets taken advantage of except the person at the top.  That person stands for everything I hate.  Be back in a couple of days, but just thought I’d point this out.

Steven Wright Review Coming Soon…

October 22, 2006

LAst night, I finally got to see the special I was planning to see all week.  He finally went on and did his thing.  He was absolutely wonderful beyone my expectations and I could not believe how many one-liners he squeezed into an hour special.  He even did a couple of songs, one which was barely audiable.  He is the embodiment of post-modern weirdness and he definitely showed true to form last night.  Just some of the crazy things he said were so absurd you had to laugh.  I’ll have a review soon after I watch it again because I have to see how many jokes he actually did and how many got a decent laugh and all those scientific formulas.  But I’m really glad he decided to do something like this and I’m sure that many people watched it anticipating gold and they were not disappointed.  I’m so glad that this happened and I had been waiting for this for years, so it really did everything to justice.  I’m not really in a position this week to do much posting, so after this week is over, I’ll post much more frequently, but I’m on a semi-vacation.  So if there are only one or two posts this week, understand that I really don’t have time to post.  I have a friend staying here for a week and we’re going to paint the town red.  I got the week off from work, which could ultimately contribute to me deciding whether or not I want that job anymore.  I’ve decided to go back to college for at least another two years to try and fulfill my degree in Mathematics.  I’m also considering minoring in Spanish.  But I will not try to make that a real career.  Maybe I’ll do it for awhile because I don’t mind math, but I’m eventually going to have to move up north and pursue my comedy passion.  I’m really hoping to make it big or if not, just to have fun doing it.  It’s not a question of external success.  It’s the process by which I think of things and the way I am.  I want to display myself to the world.  This is my utmost desire.  So keep reading my blog and invite your friends to read it, too.  Eventually, I’m going to put clips of my standup up here as soon as I figure out how to fucking format it.  Well, it’s been fun talking, but I’ve got to prepare for a fun-filled day.

Today’s The Day

October 21, 2006

Today’s the day where absurdity meets sheer logic.  Today’s the day where Steven Wright has his comedy special on Comedy Central.  I can’t wait for it.  I hope there’s a lot of new jokes and stuff because if there is, I’ll be able to watch it over and over and laugh over and over.  I saw a small clip of it online and it was very good, but I don’t have a link for it because I forgot the website I went to.  But I encourage you to watch it because even though Steven Wright appeals more to an older audience, many young people say he was their inspriation, like me.  I have a friend coming in from Rhode Island today as well, so he’ll get the treat of watching it as well.  What an amazing day today is going to be!  Peace out!

Most People Suck

October 19, 2006

In my previous post, I touched on how I hate certain people.  I don’t hate all people, just most of them.  It’s not even that I hate stupid people.  I hate ignorant people.  I hate people who just “drift through life like lumps of crap.”  I hate the people who try to hold a position they don’t even believe in.  I hate people who blindly follow certain religions just because their family does.  I hate people who drink and drive.  I hate people who care more about profits than geniunely helping people.  I hate people on a power trip.  I hate lawyers, politicians, and policemen, most of whom are corrupt.  I hate people who think they know what’s best for everyone when they can’t even relate to the different socio-economic status of more than 70% of them.  I hate people with excessive tattoos.  I hate people who always talk about Jesus.  I hate people who lie about what they do for a living to have sex.  I hate people who gain weight but don’t do anything to try and stop it.  I hate people who try and glorify criminal behavior.  I hate teachers who have sex with their students.  Enough of who I hate, leet’s go to the opposite side.

I like people who always have something new to say.  I like people who hve a sense of humor all the time, no matter what happened to them.  I like people who live each day like it’s precious, like it’s one of their last.  I like people who respect others’ opinions and don’t force change on someone who doesn’t want it.  I like people who are vibrating at a higher frequency than me.  Their energy is amazing.  I like people who are in touch with themselves on a nightly basis (no not masturbation).  I like people who aren’t afraid to be who they truly are, not some socially-conditioned, law enforcement fearing, Bible-beating lunatic.  I like people who expose the truth.  I like people who always have a good story to tell.  I like people who, when you’re talking to them and their cell phone rings, they ignore it and continue on with the conversation.  I like people who don’t care what other people think of them.  I like people who will drop everything to help you–except their newborn infant.  I like people who aren’t so dependent on technology.  Finally, I like people who like people like me.

So I guess that pretty much says it all.  I don’t know.  That’s just what I could think of in this timespan.  But it’s true to an extent.  Most people do suck.  Most of them are superficial, igonrant, and a waste of time.  If they weren’t people would hang out with everybody and we’d all get along.  But we don’t.  When you do find people you can tolerate and may even enjoy spending time with, make sure you keep them close to you.  Because you don’t want to be stuck with someone who you hate.  Oh, oh, oh, oh, and I almost forgot.  I hate televangelists.  Good day.