Morning People

I’m not a morning person.  Some people are.  Some people wake up feeling energized and why shouldn’t they?  They’ve spend the last eight or so hours resting.  But that doesn’t mean you should have to deal with them at the office, on the bus to work, or at the coffee shop.  You ever been really tired or had a headeache and you’re at work and one of these “morning people” comes by, all full of energy and laughing it up and you’re like, “Could you tone it down a little?  I’m kind of groggy.”  There are two solutions to this problem and let’s get right down to it:

The first solution is to avoid them all-together.  Lock the door of your office or simply don’t show up to work until you’r enot groggy.  Who cares what your boss thinks?  He’s not the boss of you.  You are the ultimate boss in your life.  Another thing you could do is just not respond to the morning people.  What you do if you see them passing in the hall is to just snub them.  And they’ll naturally say, “Is anything wrong?” but don’t fall into that trap.  Just keep walking.  That’s bring their little happy trip down about three notches.  These people are like energy vaccuums.  They take the little energy you have and use it to exhaust you to the point of not return.  But total outright avoidance is pretty good.  I recommend it.

Another tactic is to become a morning person.  Here’s how you do it.  Let’s say you’re groggy for the first two hours at work.  So wake up two hours earlier and maybe go to bed an hour later and you’ll be a little more energetic.  You may not be able to be as peppy as Jim from accounting, but maybe you’ll be able to withstand their barrage of, “Tony! How are you?!  It’s so great to see you!!!”  Or you could come up with a witty remark about them.  You’ll probably have a little more of your timing back, seeing as you woke up a couple hours earier, so you could say something that makes them question why they’re so damn happy in the morning.  Maybe that will shut them up.  Probably not.

A third and alternative option is for the people who have had it completely.  Just throw all the morning people down a flight of stairs.  That’s all.  Let them know that  you don’t mess around.  You get right to the point.  And when they haul you off to jail, you’ll have some other types of people to deal with.  The morning rapists.  But at least they you won’t have to sit through another, ‘How are you?  O wonderful!” seminar.  I haven’t tried this approach personally, but I’m sure it works pretty well. 

I’m not trying to offend morning people.  I really think that’s great if that’s the way you are.  But even if you feel really good in the morning, keep in mind that around four or five P.M., when you’re starting to lose that energy, an afternoon person might stop on by and do the same thing to you, leaving you for dead, in energy of course.  That’s why I always try and concserve my energy until around four.  That way I can get my revenge and then I’ll be beaming on the way home from work. 

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