I love going to bad movies. Not just the run-of-the-mill bad movies, but the ones that Ebert and Roepper chopped their thumbs off. The ones they use for torture in terrorist death camps. Those are the movies I like to go see. You know why? Because if something is bad, I can talk to the people there with me about how bad it is. It’s hilarious. It’s like, “Hey, ths movie is awful, isn’t it?” “Yeah, it sucks.” And eventually, we go get our money back, not sit through the entire thing because I don’t give a shit how it ends. All I care about it having the whole theater to myself. I like to throw candy all over the place and yell random stuff out. I remember when I went to go see, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. What an awful movie! I couldn’t believe how bad it was. And then there’s Taladega Knights. Oh, my God, was it awful. I spent the whole movie laughing at how bad the plots and just how bad the acting was. It was funny because it wasn’t funny at all. I spent more time complaining at how bad it was, it made me laugh. I hate people who actually like those movies, though. I think I know what it is. They’re trying to justify spending the money to go see it. That’s a bunch of total crap. If you didn’t like it, don’t lie to yourself and say you did just to make the expense sensical.
I love going to bad movies, though. Ones that people wouldn’t ever even bother going to, ever. Although, the value of renting bad movies is pretty good as well. Like if you were ever to rent Master of Disguise, you’ll know what I’m talking about. The worst movie, ever, I think. So bad and so worthless you had to laugh at the sheer volume of it, that someone would actually think this thing up and actually think it would do well at the box office. That’s the real comedy in it all.
I also hate people who say that generic products taste just as good as the name brand ones. Like at a supermarket they have too versions of Frosted Flakes. One of them is the Kellogg’s brand, and Tony the Tiger says, “They’re great!” On the generic brand they have a cockroach saying, “They’re okay!” And it’s a smaller box. And they taste terrible. Then there’s the people who say, “They taste the same.” You know what the name for those people is? Cheap bastard. But stores are going to the absolute limit. They actually have a generic brand of Gogurt and Triscuits. Can you believe this? The Gogurt is called “Grab ‘Ems” and the Triscuits are called “Wheat ‘Ems.” How stupid is that? They feel they have to compete with those companies, too? I’m waiting for generic caviar or something. Mmm mmm, the taste of generic fish eggs for 99 cents.
I can’t wait until I get a hammock, though. That is going to be so sweet. I can just relax in it all day. It’s like the ultimate relaxation furniture, if that’s what it’s classified as. I wonder how much they cost, because I hear they’re pretty popular. If I could get one that’s really comfortable, like the ones they make in Mexico, I’d be all set. I had a friend in colllege who had his own dorm room and he had a gigantic hammock in there. I was like, “Hot deal, man. That’s awesome.” What’s better than having one. It’s so much better than stressing my back in a chair. I’m going to check some prices on one and I’ll get one if it’s not too expensive. I don’t need an iPod, I need a hammock. Then I can practice Hammockology and become fucking awesome. Well, let me know if you know how much a hammock costs. I’m sure I can get a good one for less than $200 dollars. But we’ll see. See you later, peace.