Happy Birthday to Me

December 29, 2006

December 28 was my birthday. I’m 21. Wow. 21. So what? Big deal. So I can drink and gamble now. Like I’m supposed to just go crazy, drinking strawberry daiquiris and putting my life savings on number 22 at the roulette table. Give me a break. Just because I can do something doesn’t mean I should. I have the right to do so, but I’m not planning on pursuing those branches of life, at least not at this time.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and it’s been a rewarding experience. Thinking in terms of the future. Wondering what I’m going to do with my life. Trying to understand how I fit into this puzzle called the real world. Finding my niche. Understanding why I’m here. Believing that I know deep down what the purpose of my existence is.

I know writing will be a big part of my life, as I’ve shown immensely over the past six months or so. I realize that humor is another key component in my life. Love is strong in my life as well, an unconditional love of everything around me. Understanding, stillness, relaxation, all other qualities of myself. Listening. Being there. Knowing. All things I know I possess. All qualities I am working steadfastly to improve on a daily basis. Being myself is quite a challenge.

You know how sometimes you get sucked into popular culture. You buy all the fad clothes, all the stupid toys or whatever that other people are raving about. You don’t do it because you like those things, but do it to “fit in.” Fitting in can be crucial in such a conformist society. Sometimes I get taken in by these cultural values. Materials over peace, agreement over honesty, bullshit over feelings. When you’re thrown into a world that thinks this way every day, you start to pick up some things that are not desirable except out in that world.

If you are being constantly exposed to these things, it can be hard to break the habits associated with them. I work hard to destroy everything I do that goes against my personal values, my philosophy of life. I may be Zen, but why go out and buy a Zen garden? Isn’t that anti-Zen anyway? I’m not in it for the money, I’m in it for the experiences. I’m in it for living in peace. I’m in it for forming a better world. I’m in it for enlightenment. There is no object that will give me enlightenment outside of myself.

So I try to understand that less is more, less is less distractions, less clutter, less problems, less allocation. Less allows for you to think more, to consume less, to live better. When we strip ourselves from everything we own, what is left? Ourselves. Some people mask themselves with the things they own. I mask the things I own with myself. I am no longer concerned with other people’s opinion of me. That holds no stock in my book. If you disagree, you disagree. Let me live my life, make my own “mistakes,” have my own experiences, allow me to just be, and I shall do the same for you. Help me better the world and you will be rewarded handsomely with a deep feeling of fulfillment.

So looking back on the last 21 years of my life, this past one has been the culmination of success for me. I have never had a more productive year spiritually, mentally, and socially. I understand much more than I did for the previous 20 years of my life. I have lost many fears I used to have. Death is no longer a problem. I’ve accepted the fact that death will come when it needs to. There’s no reason to fear it, as it is one truth you cannot escape. So why fear the inevitable? I know I’ll move on to something else afterward anyway. I’m just not entirely sure what it’s nature will be. I’ll just have to wait and find out.


Christmas Again?

December 26, 2006

I know yesterday was Christmas and everyone is probably writing about it in their blogs, but maybe I’m not that kind of guy.  Chirstmas was good, and I’ll leave it at that.  I got some things I wanted.  That is all.

One activity I’m going to invite more of into my life is reading, as if I don’t already do enough.  I believe reading will help my writing, which will help people who read this blog.  Writing is something to do to pass the time.  My novel is coming along well, eighty pages single-spaced on Microsoft Works.  I’d say that’s not a bad accomplishment.  I just have a feeling it’s going to be a novel that never ends because it didn’t really begin in the first place.  It could go on for the next twenty years.  We shall see.  I’d like to get it published by the end of 2007.  That’s a lofty goal I can set my sights on. 

Looking back on this year, I’ve been through a lot.  The fact that I am still here amazes me and I continue to grow spiritually and mentally.  My physical body is getting in better shape and is feeling decent.  I’ve made a 180 from where I was at the beginning of the year, although I still feel the same way about some things.  This blog has really helped me get myself “out there” in terms of expressing myself.  No, I don’t use fancy layouts or pictures in most of my blogs because these posts come from deep inside me.  I don’t need photos to prove my point.

This blog is as much for me as it is for everyone reading.  I hope you’ve extracted a bit of information from this blog and continue to visit, as I am going to keep writing, along with writing my novel, so if you want to read, keep reading.  The holidays are nothing more than days that we put extra significance on.  I just think it’s funny that I get paid for not working on Christmas as opposed to any other holiday.  When I call off for Strap Day, I sure hope I get holiday pay and three days off or else there will be a problem.  I need money to fund this eccentric holiday.  You can read about Strap Day in the Archives for December.  I’m just too lazy to put up links today, and I have to go back to work anyway at 2 PM.  If I didn’t have that hanging over me all the time, I’d be able to deck out all of these posts.  Time will tell.  When I finish my novel and get it published and it makes me a substantial amount of money, maybe I’ll take some time off and relax a bit and focus on this blog and possibly another novel.  I’m thinking of writing a novel about working in a grocery store.  It will be a first-person narrative, a subjective story if you would.  I just have to think of a good title for it.  It will be a story about what I’ve experienced as well as some other things I want to throw in.  I’m looking forward to writing it.

Whether or not I ever understand why I’m here, I know I can enjoy my writing and enjoy my reading.  I don’t need to justify any of it.  It’s me.  It’s the whole, “Do you think Mozart’s music was his work?  No, the work was Mozart himself, and he brought it into the world.”  I’m not saying I’m the best writer in the world, not even close.  But I enjoy it.  I’m getting better.  It will only be a matter of time before I no longer have to go to work.  Work will become joy.  Joy will become my state of mind.  I’m already in a lot of peace, but joy and peace wouldn’t be a bad combo. 

Intuitive Existential Revelations

December 23, 2006

We’re just here, wandering around aimlessly, not really making any sort of meaning, looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I don’t know how I got to this point, but this is how I felt back almost a year ago. I didn’t understand anything to the extent I understood myself. I was suffering immensely psychologically and mentally, as well as physically, as I could not find a way to intelligently deal with the residual effects of my brain surgeries and progressive radiation therapy that happened two years prior. Something just didn’t make sense, something felt different. I was no longer who I once was. I was someone else, someone new, almost as if this brain cancer had changed me forever to someone who hardly resembled myself at all.

Everything felt different. Reality was a whole new ballgame. It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but you almost felt like you weren’t really you, but an observer of yourself and everything else that still had control over your body, but it was in a more vague way than a concrete one. It was almost as if my spirit was halfway out of my body and above me. I still feel that way today, but I’ve made peace with it. I realize that feeling this way has its ups and downs, but it is something I have come to accept. I no longer hate the fact I had to go through such turmoil in that year of my life, 65 stitches in the back of my head and two pea-sized cancerous legions in my brain. I know it happened for a reason, a reason that brings me joy each and every day. Transcendence of fear, appreciation for life, the simple things, the minute details that people just brush over without paying much attention to, these are the things I can truly enjoy.

I’m no longer caught up in the rat race of society and its constant superficiality and demands that are so irrational, it makes me want to leave entirely. I just allow myself to live in peace and harmony with the whole, beautiful world. And it saddens me that we are collectively destroying much of it, but I can still appreciate the parts that are still intact, the natural parts of our great planet. I feel a sort of oneness with the world, a collective consciousness, if you would, something that takes me away from being centered in my physical body and allows me to get everything I experience, like a culmination of the world. This sort of revelation was triggered by my brain cancer and its subsequent removal. I was given the option to live on and I’m striving to enjoy every second of the rest of my life, or all of life on Earth.

I know my physical body is not me. I’ve known that for a long time. It is simply a part of me, like the trees are a part of me, and my spirit is a part of me. There is no distinction of more important parts, they are all equal. This computer is me. Every word I type here is a part of me. Put them all together and you get thought. Every time I allow myself to think this way, I get this amazing surge of energy, like I’m connecting to some power source unknown to me previously. The key is keeping it in mind all the time. It’s the most joyous feeling you’ll ever experience, as I’m experiencing it right now. Wow. That was amazing.

Jesus, wasn’t that something? If you’ve never experienced that feeling, just allow yourself to do so. It has to be the best feeling in the world.

But then there are times when I seep into deep depression, where I can’t even fathom a reason to get out of bed. I think to myself, why bother? Who cares if I get up and do this or that, or get that thing I’ve wanted? I mean, I get headaches sometimes that are pretty bad, but I get through them. As long as I don’t push myself too hard, I’ll be okay. I have this happy medium where I don’t overwork myself or I’ll start to get headaches again. It’s not easy to figure out where this medium is, but I’ve been getting closer to it every day. But I know I can experience joy whenever I need to, as I have access to my joy button.

Whether or not I want to be in a perpetual state of joy is something I’m not completely sure of. Would everything become boring and meaningless if joy is my natural state? Being full of joy all the time would be good, to some extent, but the lack of variability in my emotions could possibly make my life boring. I believe peace is the answer. Life in a state of peace. You accept everything as it is. You just allow things to be. If you feel mad, you feel mad, but you’re at peace with the fact you’re feeling mad. You know it will pass and that you’ll enter a state of happiness later, maybe even joy.

I’ve been on this planet almost 21 years and I feel that in the last year, things have finally come full circle for me. Everything is starting to make sense. The world is my oyster. I am aware of the power I possess and the amazing talents I hone at every corner. I know I have the power to be peaceful no matter what happens. I don’t place my faith in the external world because it’s inconsistent. The only thing I can rely on to be completely consistent is myself. In accepting myself for who I am, not hating any part of me, loving everything, I’ve gotten past bitterness. I understand the way the world works, but I still don’t know why completely. I can’t fathom why things are the way they are. Why we’re these animals on a planet living to perpetuate our existence, to some cherished ideal that we seem to be straying further and further away from. Asking the question, “Why are we here?” only renders one response: To make the world a better place.

To go about doing this, making the world a better place, we need to destroy many things we cling to tightly to in today’s society. I’m willing to dump the automobile, the depletion of our natural resources, the destruction of nature, and the hierarchical way the world is run. I’m ready to get rid of all of it. I’ve transcended all of it, knowing on the other side there is more for us, a feeling of amazing peace. We just need to get there, all together. We need to stop placing our emphasis out there and start focusing introspectively. Looking inward for guidance. Our instinct and intuition know what we are supposed to be doing, but we silence that voice in the back of our minds, passing it off as crazy talk, acting like it’s improbable. But we all know it’s possible, even probable. It’s all about committing to it.

This is about people giving to others, helping one another, treating everyone as equals, no matter their economic status or color of skin. There should be no class system, no overseers who control every move we make. We should be able to live a life of peace freely, absent of bureaucratic nonsense that drives you insane if you even begin to think about it. Whenever I imagine a world where I am one with nature and nature is one with me, I become peaceful. I know that peace is only a step away, and joy is about three steps further. Thank you for reading. I appreciate it.

 P.S.  Anyone else feel this way somewhat?  I mean, we need to all live to make the world better.  Otherwise, what’s the purpose of living besides selling dangerous products to an unsuspecting public for years before you retire and play canasta and golf while you wait for the Grim Reaper to come get you.  Let’s do this.

Speaking of Poisons

December 21, 2006

I know on my last post I talked about my decision to not drink alcohol and cigarettes as they are toxins.  Well, today I stumbled upon a compelling speech by a doctor, not sure of what his name is, but the link is here, talking about the dangers of fluoride in our water, our totohpaste, and the likes.  I was already aware of this to some extent through Steve Pavlina’s website.  His article is located here.  It’s a chilling story about how fluoride is a toxic waste product from many cmeical and nuclear plants that is highly, highly toxic, just below mercury, and for some reason is put into our water supply and also our toothpaste.

 I don’t want to get too far into it, as I really am not passionate about this sort of thing, but it just gets to me how instead of disposing of these toxic chemicals in a safe way, in a desperate attempt to get rid of them, they hire a doctor paid to say that fluoride is safe in moderate quantities and would be a great addition to our water and tooth care supply. 

 You can watch the documentary I linked you to because I don’t want to say any more.  I didn’t watch the whole thing because I don’t have that kind of time right now.  But it is amazing how sometimes the people in charge, who are seeking control, will put dangeorus neurotoxins in our food and water supply to support the progressive “dumbing down of society.”  The only real way to fight it is through not using these products.  I know my spring water company does not fluoridate their water, or so they say.  You can never be sure.

The most disturbing thing I have ever seen with respect to fluoride after knowing about how poisonous it is was when I saw a woman buying something marketed as “baby water,” which contained extra fluoride.  Extra.  Imagine the havoc the fluoride could wreak on such a small, innocent child who has no idea of the dangers.  How can we let this go on.  Of course, I didn’t say anything to her because I did not want to offend her because I’m most certainly certain that she thinks fluoride is safe, as does most of our unsuspecting country. 

Am I surprised?  Not really.  I know what our government is capable of.  I understand how they manipulate us.  So even though we live in supposedly a great country, we’re not really free.  We think we’re free, but the government is taking many steps to control us.  Placing these toxins in our system is a great means to control us.  If they have us in a semi-healthy state, one in which we cannot think clearly, have nagging health problems, and are poisoned on a daily basis, we’ll be too distracted and too weak to rise up against them.  It’s not complicated.  They want to make sure the people in power stay in power because there will be no one smart enough to revolt, to figure all of this out. 

So what should you do about this?  It’s up to you.  I know in my heart that I could live in a community-based way of life, that is self-sufficient, providing food, water, and shelter for one another without the need for money, taxation without representation, brutal police forces, or fear-based media.  So, if you are into this as well, let me know.  Also, read the How to Save the World essay by Dave Pollard.  I really enjoyed it to the extent I comprehended it.  So let’s live in peace and harmony not contant control.  Peace to everyone.

Alcoholic Beverages

December 20, 2006

My 21st birthday is coming up and I am not a drinker whatsoever.  I may have had alcohol less than five times in my entire life and it has not been a rewarding experience.  It hasn’t been terribly bad, but it’s not something I would normally do on a regular basis as it does not really have any staying power in my world.  But I do know I will have the right to do it, the choice if I feel I need to, but it will in no way become a regular habit.  I might drink occasional wine for the antioxidants, but the rest of it is just poison.

At the supermarket where I work, I sometimes bag wine with cleaning products to the chagrin of the customer, saying, “Don’t put the wine with the ammonia.”  I say, “Why not?  They’re both poisons.  One is just stronger than the other.”  I do the same with cigarettes, a much more potent toxic substance.  One time I even said to a customer, “Do you want your cancer in a bag or do you want to put it in your purse?” when referring to cigarettes.  It’s not that I’m intolerant of them, it’s just I feel that they could stop doing it and experience a better life.  I like to open their eyes to all the money they’ve wasted slowly killing themselves.

Maybe they just don’t know what they’re contributing to.  The tobacco industry has so much leverage in the government, due to its amzing bout of wealth.  And since they are allowed to legally sell an addictive substance to the public, they have quite a bit of customer loyalty.  And if you ever feel like quitting, you can buy the nicotine patch.  It has a lower dose of nicotine, but eventually, you’ll become addicted to the patch.  And it’s way more expensive.  But eventually you’ll be off the cancer sticks.

The thing I cannot understand is how people will even deny the truth about their vices.  They’ll say things like, “It’s not that bad for my health,” or “I don’t do it that much.”  Who are you trying to prove this to?  Me or yourself?  Of course, if you want to destroy your life with the habitual use of these surprisingly legal substances, then go ahead and be my guest.  Just don’t come crying to me when your lung cancer and liver cancer set in.

This brings me to the idea of being totally responsible for your life.  One of the bette quotes from Buddhism is, “We shrink from suffering, but love its causes.”  A coworker told me this at work and I feel it’s true in these cases.  If you’re suffering with the byproducts of cigarettes and alcohol, it’s so convenient to blame the tobacco and alcohol industries.  It may even alleviate your suffering to some extent because you think it absolves you of responsibility.  But it doesn’t.  You are the one who made the choice to allow these toxic substances into your body, knowingly or unknowingly, so you should be ready to deal with the consequences, even if it does result in your death.  Death is a part of life anyway.

We are already poisoned enough by our food supply, water supply, air supply, toxic chemicals everywhere, enveloping us in a cloud of toxins to insert more of these things into our system.  I read a news story today about a man who accidentally shampooed a woman’s hair with insecticide and she ended up going to the hospital and going into a coma.  Is this really a necessary suffering?  Why did this person have a bottole of inseciticide in his house?  Was her exposure necessary?

So, as I look forward eight days towards my 21st birthday and the full culmination of adulthood by society’s standards, I am aware that I am capable, legally, of embarking on such self-mutilations as drinking alcohol and gambling, but I realize that inviting these into my life will not benefit me in any way, and will actually impair my wonderful body and mind and may even cause me to act irrationally, moreso than I do today.  So why complicate things?

I may have brought this up in a previous post but I recall telling a customer at my work of my 21st birthday and my choice not to drink and she handed me five dollars towards my goal.  I really didn’t know what she expected me to spend it on and I jokingly said to a cashier that I will go guy a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, but I find that people do respect abstainance.  I think it’s when you abstain for the supposed pleasures in life that you really get a good glimpse of who you really are and derive pleasure from not having.  This is why people go into Buddghist temples, devoid of any possessions.  They get more pleasure from haivng nothing than they do of having everything.  Your internal state is far more important than your external one.  And as the days go by, I’m becoming more and more aware of this philosophy. 

“Thare are two kinds of wealth.  One is having the ability to have everything you can possibly imagine.  The other is to need nothing.”  Gary Craig, EFT.

So, I feel that putting things of toxicity into my body will gravely alter my internal state, which has been in a wonderful light for the past couple of months as I am approaching a state of inner peace.  So it is not a sane decision for me to put terrible things into my body at the expense of my health and peace of mind. 

Happy Strap Day

December 18, 2006

This is a post in response to what I have been hearing all the time lately, everywhere I go, and it’s becoming sickening to say the least.  “Have a Merry Christmas.”  At my job, all they play is Christmas music all the time, every minute of every day.  If I was Jewish or Muslim or Zoroastrian, I would be ready to explode.  I am not a Christian, nor do I affiliate myself with their holidays, although my family still does, even though they’ve left Christianity behind as well.  I will make it a mission to tell everyone who wishes me a merry Christmas that I am not a Christian, and that I am insulted by your assumption that just because I am white, nice, and polite that I must be a Christian because that’s the only religion that breeds productive members of society.  These are their words not mine.

 Some people say Happy Holidays.  Happy holidays is fine, if your particular belief system celebrates a holiday at this time of year, but why do we have to wish these things on people who don’t necessarily follow these “holidays?”  We’re a country who is supposed to have separation of church and state, but every Christmas day, all the businesses are closed and there is no real tolerance for non-conformity.  It is a given that everyone celebrates Christmas and it is a day where nobody goes anywhere, except to maybe a family member’s house.  Even the schools have “Christmas vacation,” which is paradoxical in itself to the people who don’t celebrate it.  What about when their particular holiday comes around and they’re stuck going to work or school?  They don’t get a day off at all.  It’s not fair that we make special preferences for certain religions when it comes to holidays and vacations.

Here’s what I’m proposing.  I want to create my own holiday, one that occurs maybe sometime in January, a three-day event called Strap Day.  I’ll give you a history of Strap Day to further indulge your curiosity.  Strap Day started when I was in twelfth grade when my friend and I were doing a word jumble of the eleven-letter word “insatiable.”  For some reason, I must have copied it down wrong or something, and while attempting to unscramble the letters to form the word I was looking for, ended up coming up with “strap day.”  Strap Day has become one of my favorite personal holidays.  Here is how it basically works:

  1. Every year, in mid-January, we buy an onslaught of straps, which we worship in a non-religious way for six hours, while facing Woonsocket, RI, where Strap Day came into origination.
  2. We hang the straps on a collection of hooks and admire them while sharing stories of how Strap Day came into origination.  It is considered unethical to have the straps hung up before Strap day, but it is a priority to have them hung up the earliest possible time on the first day of Strap Day.
  3. It was originally thought that this would be followed by the death of the first-born son, but this is not an action that can be completed every year, so we dumped it completely.
  4. Each person grabs their respective strap and goes over to the person of their choice and starts beating that person with the strap lightly for no more than seven minutes.  This is done starting with the youngest of the family, progressing to the older family members.
  5. Now, Strap Day is not for the feint of heart.  We use the straps and then we burn them, so that the next year, in anticipation for strap day, we can design and decorate a new strap for each of us.  Sometimes we even exchange straps, in the bizarre hope that we do not get beaten with that particular strap.  It’s more of a peace offering, if you would.

So, that’s Strap Day in a nutshell.  I know it may sound bizarre, but to me, Christmas and Haunakah and Kwanzaa all sound weird.  So, when January 11-13 comes around, what will you be celebrating?  I am going to start wishing people a Happy Strap Day, complete strangers even, just to gauge their reaction and to explain to them the facets of Strap Day.

The rules of Strap Day are not written in stone.  I encourage every family to put their own spin on their Strap Day tradition.  You can add or subtract any components you do not agree with, as I am open to new ideas as well, so if you have any, be sure to respond.  Since it is only three years or so old, Strap day is something that is a work in progress.  I have not yet gotten it to perfection, but it doesn’t really matter.  I believe I should request those days off from work.  I just hope one of those days isn’t a real holiday, as it may offend people who celebrate MLK day or something, but I believe it’s on the 15th or something, right?  So it’s more of a precursor to the civil rights day, and I think that’s appropriate, as Dr. King preached acceptance of everyone, no matter their color or beliefs. 

So join with me in a celebration of freedom of holidays.  Don’t subscribe to Christmas and Haunakah, but come on over to the dark side, not dark because of evil, but because of lack of light, and enjoy the wonders that can be bestowed upon you and the pride you’ll have after you’ve completed your first strap, worshipped it, placed in on a hook, and then beaten a family member (lightly) with it.  And if you celebrate Christmas, you might as well use the same hooks or tacks you used to hang up the stockings to hang up the straps.  Time for me to start making my strap.  I believe this year, I’ll make it out of mock leather or possibly cow hide, although I do not feel an animal should have to die for me to make a valid strap.  I’ll update on this and I will give another post during Strap Day to give you a firsthand insight into the experience.  Last but not least I know I spelled Hanukah wrong or however it’s spelled, but don’t be offended.  It wasn’t my intention.

Maybe I’m Not Supposed To

December 17, 2006

Maybe I’m not supposed to.  That’s how I feel when my alarm clock goes off and I am supposed to get ready for work.  Maybe this sin’t how we should be living.  WHen my alarm goes off, I just lay there, trying to fathom a good reason to get out of bed and start getting ready for work, something that is increasingly giving me more resistance every day.  I have a distinct feeling that working in a supermarket is not my calling.  As a matter of fact, I know this.  I am going back to college, but I’ll be studying Mathematics and possibly writing, although I don’t really feel the way I write needs to be called into question.  I don’t need some external source telling me whether or not my writing is good.  I feel that my writing is what it is and to judge it would be to be judging my thoughts.  You see, I am a thinker, not a worker.  I would rather write than go out into an insane society that doesn’t really make any sense to me.  I feel like somebody really messed up our life patterns with an attempt to control us through a variety of media.  I think it’s about time I’ve cancelled my subscription to society.

Work is just another way to be controlled.  You have to give your time away.  I went to work today, my boss says to another worker, who was having a conversation with another coworker, “Are you talking on my time?”  His time?  His time?  Who is he to gain ownership for our time?  He is just some distant authority figure, some ego-driven derrogatory component of this world who has a great interest keeping us rooted in fear.  Fear of losing your job, any little mistake, no matter how insignificant, can get you fired.  Just because the big boss man says so.  We are at his mercy.  It does not make any fucking sense whatsoever.  Why do I have to listen to this asshole just to make a living?  The answer is I don’t.  I don’t and I won’t for much longer.

It is MY time.  Not yours.  It’s MY life, not yours, so stop imposing ownership of MY time into your pocket.  Seven dollars an hour is not enough to keep me going in this complete and utter waste of human life, where the popular phrase, “If you’re leaning, you should be cleaning,” as well as, the ever-popular “Smile-Greet-Thank” sticker on every cash register.  I get yelled at occasionally for not having my shirt tucked in to the boss’s satisfaction.  Is that really the root of all the problems at this company?  People don’t tuck their shirts in far enough?  Come on, grow up and start looking at the person inside.  I remember one time I wore a polo shirt that was slightly off color and has “Sports Illustrated” listed on one of the sleeves.  I got a whole fucking lecture on how our store does not advertise Sports Illustrated.

Why are there all these rules that make no sense whatsoever?  I’m tired of dealing with pointless beaurocracy and guidlines, standards, and everything else of the sort.  Government regulations, tax exampt status, etc., etc., etc.  Why do we live this way? How in the hell does this make any sense?  And they wonder why over half the nation is overweight, paranoid, mentally ill, and full of fear.  Look how we’re constantly controlled, through the media and through everyday living.  Other animals don’t live like this.  They just live.  We have to worry about making enough money to survive, enough green pieces of paper to perpetuate our existance when it is moderately futile to do so.  We’re so transfixed on materialism that it sickens me.  Do other animals (and believe me, we are animals) worry about the next video game system or the next president of the United States?  No.  Do they bicker over trivialitieslike whether or not you’ve filed for your taxes yet?  Absolutely not. 

Something is obviously wrong with society and we all know it, but no one takes the steps to correct it.  We just accept the fact that we destroy the naturalistic world and take animals we use for food in Holocaust-like conditions, torturing them before eventually killing them.  What kind of sick bastards are we?  If we did these things to dogs or cats, we’d be in jail, but because the animals we do this to are “delicious,” we look the other way, pretend it isn’t happening, because life is easier that way.  No confronting the truth.  Just eat that damn burger and shut up.  That’s how we think.

And we’re just told to accept the world the way it is when it could be so much better.  WE are born into such a mess, a total disjunction of how we are meant to live, overcrowding causing stress, which causes mental problems as well as physical ones. Since we keep people who are sick and dying alive, we contribute to overpopulation of species, which will be around 14 billion in about another hundred years.  Imagine how terrible it will be to live in a world like that.  Something’s got to give.

Humans killing humans and being proud in doing so (think wars).  Destroying the lives of people who don’t have the same religious and philosophical beliefs as us in a futile attempt to “restore the peace.”  If restoring the peace involves going to war, what is the logic behind that?  Let’s not forget the American government’s attempt to control most of the world’s resources, as they well know that money will very soon become completely obsolete.  With the Federal Reserve in charge of money, and their repeated printing of money, over the next two to three decades, will make the American dollar worth so little, it will be outrageous.  There is no longer any gold backing up our money, which makes me wonder if it’s worth anything at all.  Just the fact that we think our money is worth something doesn’t make it so.

But I hate the fact that we’re all expected to go out and get a job, making “money” to live on, when our ancestors did nothing of the sorts and would probably laugh at such an incredulous idea.  Using this monetary system, which is not very forgiving in itself, class systems are formed, distinguishing one human being as “better” than another, their opinions worth more, with more opportunities open to them.  Just because they seem to have collected more pieces of paper and plastic (credit cards) than the other person.  Instead of living in harmony, we live in fear of one another.  Fear that all our possessions could be stolen, our assets taken away by an unconcerned government or the evil IRS.  Why? 

Is it the innate thirst for power or is it the abominable way of human nature?  I don’t know, but I for one do not feel compelled to keep living like this.  It’s not remotely human.  We should not be at the mercy of other people, simply because they have more money or more power.  Who are they to tell us what to do?  They’re not us and therefore should not be enforcing rules and laws that may make sense to them, but not to me.  I want freedom, not the purposed illusion of freedom.  This is a free country, my ass.  Moving to the Canadian wilderness may not be a bad idea.  At least then I won’t have to deal with Uncle Sam and the possibility of getting drafted into the military where I will be forced to kill innocent people from a country whose name I can’t even pronounce.  What a wonderful country we’ve become.