Maybe I’m Not Supposed To

Maybe I’m not supposed to.  That’s how I feel when my alarm clock goes off and I am supposed to get ready for work.  Maybe this sin’t how we should be living.  WHen my alarm goes off, I just lay there, trying to fathom a good reason to get out of bed and start getting ready for work, something that is increasingly giving me more resistance every day.  I have a distinct feeling that working in a supermarket is not my calling.  As a matter of fact, I know this.  I am going back to college, but I’ll be studying Mathematics and possibly writing, although I don’t really feel the way I write needs to be called into question.  I don’t need some external source telling me whether or not my writing is good.  I feel that my writing is what it is and to judge it would be to be judging my thoughts.  You see, I am a thinker, not a worker.  I would rather write than go out into an insane society that doesn’t really make any sense to me.  I feel like somebody really messed up our life patterns with an attempt to control us through a variety of media.  I think it’s about time I’ve cancelled my subscription to society.

Work is just another way to be controlled.  You have to give your time away.  I went to work today, my boss says to another worker, who was having a conversation with another coworker, “Are you talking on my time?”  His time?  His time?  Who is he to gain ownership for our time?  He is just some distant authority figure, some ego-driven derrogatory component of this world who has a great interest keeping us rooted in fear.  Fear of losing your job, any little mistake, no matter how insignificant, can get you fired.  Just because the big boss man says so.  We are at his mercy.  It does not make any fucking sense whatsoever.  Why do I have to listen to this asshole just to make a living?  The answer is I don’t.  I don’t and I won’t for much longer.

It is MY time.  Not yours.  It’s MY life, not yours, so stop imposing ownership of MY time into your pocket.  Seven dollars an hour is not enough to keep me going in this complete and utter waste of human life, where the popular phrase, “If you’re leaning, you should be cleaning,” as well as, the ever-popular “Smile-Greet-Thank” sticker on every cash register.  I get yelled at occasionally for not having my shirt tucked in to the boss’s satisfaction.  Is that really the root of all the problems at this company?  People don’t tuck their shirts in far enough?  Come on, grow up and start looking at the person inside.  I remember one time I wore a polo shirt that was slightly off color and has “Sports Illustrated” listed on one of the sleeves.  I got a whole fucking lecture on how our store does not advertise Sports Illustrated.

Why are there all these rules that make no sense whatsoever?  I’m tired of dealing with pointless beaurocracy and guidlines, standards, and everything else of the sort.  Government regulations, tax exampt status, etc., etc., etc.  Why do we live this way? How in the hell does this make any sense?  And they wonder why over half the nation is overweight, paranoid, mentally ill, and full of fear.  Look how we’re constantly controlled, through the media and through everyday living.  Other animals don’t live like this.  They just live.  We have to worry about making enough money to survive, enough green pieces of paper to perpetuate our existance when it is moderately futile to do so.  We’re so transfixed on materialism that it sickens me.  Do other animals (and believe me, we are animals) worry about the next video game system or the next president of the United States?  No.  Do they bicker over trivialitieslike whether or not you’ve filed for your taxes yet?  Absolutely not. 

Something is obviously wrong with society and we all know it, but no one takes the steps to correct it.  We just accept the fact that we destroy the naturalistic world and take animals we use for food in Holocaust-like conditions, torturing them before eventually killing them.  What kind of sick bastards are we?  If we did these things to dogs or cats, we’d be in jail, but because the animals we do this to are “delicious,” we look the other way, pretend it isn’t happening, because life is easier that way.  No confronting the truth.  Just eat that damn burger and shut up.  That’s how we think.

And we’re just told to accept the world the way it is when it could be so much better.  WE are born into such a mess, a total disjunction of how we are meant to live, overcrowding causing stress, which causes mental problems as well as physical ones. Since we keep people who are sick and dying alive, we contribute to overpopulation of species, which will be around 14 billion in about another hundred years.  Imagine how terrible it will be to live in a world like that.  Something’s got to give.

Humans killing humans and being proud in doing so (think wars).  Destroying the lives of people who don’t have the same religious and philosophical beliefs as us in a futile attempt to “restore the peace.”  If restoring the peace involves going to war, what is the logic behind that?  Let’s not forget the American government’s attempt to control most of the world’s resources, as they well know that money will very soon become completely obsolete.  With the Federal Reserve in charge of money, and their repeated printing of money, over the next two to three decades, will make the American dollar worth so little, it will be outrageous.  There is no longer any gold backing up our money, which makes me wonder if it’s worth anything at all.  Just the fact that we think our money is worth something doesn’t make it so.

But I hate the fact that we’re all expected to go out and get a job, making “money” to live on, when our ancestors did nothing of the sorts and would probably laugh at such an incredulous idea.  Using this monetary system, which is not very forgiving in itself, class systems are formed, distinguishing one human being as “better” than another, their opinions worth more, with more opportunities open to them.  Just because they seem to have collected more pieces of paper and plastic (credit cards) than the other person.  Instead of living in harmony, we live in fear of one another.  Fear that all our possessions could be stolen, our assets taken away by an unconcerned government or the evil IRS.  Why? 

Is it the innate thirst for power or is it the abominable way of human nature?  I don’t know, but I for one do not feel compelled to keep living like this.  It’s not remotely human.  We should not be at the mercy of other people, simply because they have more money or more power.  Who are they to tell us what to do?  They’re not us and therefore should not be enforcing rules and laws that may make sense to them, but not to me.  I want freedom, not the purposed illusion of freedom.  This is a free country, my ass.  Moving to the Canadian wilderness may not be a bad idea.  At least then I won’t have to deal with Uncle Sam and the possibility of getting drafted into the military where I will be forced to kill innocent people from a country whose name I can’t even pronounce.  What a wonderful country we’ve become.

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