Becoming a Millionaire

January 8, 2007

Steve Pavlina’s new podcast, entitled Faster Goal Achievement, was something I really needed to hear, as it was reinforcing the way I was thinking with respect to goal achievement.  I was thinking that if you want something to happen, like a goal of some sort, the only way it will ever manifest is if you make some part of it true right now.  Making your goal in the present will allow the result to come to you much faster.

Steve Pavlina gives a concrete example about how some people he knew that were rich used to carry what he thought was a large sum of money in their wallets, when they thought it was nothing because they had so much money.  So the first thing Steve did was go to the ATM machine and make it so he had $200 dollars in his wallet.  Eventually, he upped the amount of money, and got to the point where when he had $200 in his wallet, he needed a “refill.”  He was thinking the same way about his bank account, where if he has $10,000 in there now, he would think that was a lot, but as a millionaire, it’s a tragedy.  So, if you think the way the millionaires do, you’ll be opening yourself up for opportunities to become one.

I used a similar approach in steps to gain some sort of inner peace.  Sometimes I would be jarred by external events, possibly at my work or otherwise, and I would get stressed out.  I would visualize a time and place where I would always maintain that inner peace, but it always seemed so far off in the distance.  So I decided to make inner peace part of my life–now.  Whenever I felt stressed or angry, I would immediately take a couple of deep breaths and then usually burst out laughing at how trivial the situation was that was making me stressed.  I found the deep breathing extremely rewarding as well.  It was almost if I was high on oxygen.

Supposedly, for your intentions to manifest, you have to become a vibrational match for your intention, meaning you have to align yourself with the mindset and take the actions that will allow you to achieve whatever goal you have.  Becoming a millionaire is a solid goal for me, and even though I sometimes have negative thoughts towards money, I realize that it’s not the money that’s evil, but the purpose behind making the money, or the people who control the money, who are evil.  So, if you are going to use your money for good causes, for the highest good of all, being a millionaire is a wonderful thing.

So it’s not like I really have any excuse to not make this amount of money.  With this sum of money, I could help the world become a better place.  I would be able to devote all my time to my mission of opening people’s eyes and also making them laugh in the process.  I have to set my mind up for millions and they will come to me.  I am going to possibly build a website, an entire website, with all the different categories and whatnot, but I just need to build my technical skills to figure out how to do such a thing.  I’ve registered a domain name, and it has been dormant for four months now, mostly because I got intensely frustrated when I couldn’t upload the blogging software on there while following the instructions. 

I will figure out what is going on, though.  I just have to work on a common theme for my website.  I have to have original ideas that change the way people think.  I need to inspire.  I have stories to tell.  I have beaten brain cancer.  If I can do that, making millions of dollars should be a piece of cake.

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Beating Cancer

January 5, 2007

Here’s an issue I’m going through right now in my life.  Around three and a half years ago, I was found completely cured of a cancerous brain tumor through two brain surgeries and thirty days of radiation.  It will be four years in April.  It was the biggest challenge of my life and the most unexpected one.  I learned quite a bit in the year I was sidelined due to massive headaches and double vision.  Everything else was thrown to the side.  The most important thing was staying alive.

I don’t believe I have yet gotten out of this mindset.  I still feel the same way.  As long as I’m alive, I’m happy.  I don’t really need anything else to give me happiness.  I don’t need money, a good job, a healthy relationship, none of that matters so much.  Beating cancer has made me extremely grateful for life itself.

And yet this feeling of intense gratitude stifles me at times.  I don’t feel I have to prove anything to anyone.  I don’t really care about the things other people do.  I don’t care how much money I pull in or how many friends are on my Myspace page.  All I care about is living.  Living, breathing, ascending to a higher state of consciousness.  Allowing myself to see what is going on behind the scenes.  Being alive has become what I live for.

This is only a dilemma in the eyes of other people.  I see no problem with this way of life.  But society tends to push you into things, things you’re not sure are right for you, things that will supposedly give you a better life, when you aren’t concerned with a better life in the sense of material possessions, but a life well lived in principles.  I’m not looking for external success because that is utterly meaningless to me.  What I look for is a sort of internal success, a feeling of peace and love radiating from me.  That is what I am striving towards. 

It is more challenging than many external goals, as it can be taxing emotionally and mentally.  But through doing this, I gain a new perspective on myself, on the world, on nature, and start to become closer to enlightenment.  I’m not doing this for bragging rights or social status, but to help myself become a better person.  Isn’t that the meaning of life?  To do to others as you would want them to do to you.  The golden Rule.

But society complicates things, puts all these other activates, other bombardments that fill you with negative influences and take you away from your true mission.  All of the things we believe we’re supposed to do, when most of those things are entirely optional. 

for example, television and tabloid magazines are a perfect example.  First of all, they encourage you to live a materialistic lifestyle and secondly, they show you a barrage of negative gossip and ideas that you pick up on and it distracts you from being the best person you can be.  I feel like I’ve become less needy for approval and recognition.  I no longer need approval for my way of life.  I know it is the right thing to do.

Another aspect of beating the cancer was I now no longer have any fear of death.  If I am to die, so be it.  I know there is something there for me on the other side.  I know I have a spirit inside of me, and when my physical body runs out of fuel, I will be able to exist in some spiritual form, for all eternity. 

But what to do with the remainder of my existence?  I’m thinking about organizing some sort of collaborative enterprise or possibly a think tank.  Something of the sort.  Where we sit around and share high-level ideas in a non-judgmental session.  We try and get to the core of reality and how it works.  We live in harmony with nature and allow for us all to share our stories.  We work towards a feeling of peace and love.  We do everything we feel we need to and nothing more.  We live.

I hope this post was of some help, as it helped me get through a tough patch of negative thoughts.  Getting people together to share ideas is a great idea.  I sure hope it allows me to get new perspecitves on life and even catch holes in my thinking.


Moving Way Too Fast

January 1, 2007

Time goes way too fast.  I feel like I should still be younger.  People say that youth is so quick and the rest of your life is spent being “grown up,” where you pretty much lose all your creativity and free will and conform to a culture that’s speeding up in such extravagent ways that it numbs my mind to think about it.  We devolving as a species in some respects, as things have taken a turn for the worst as we are no longer patient, attentive, original humans. 

I just totally think it’s hilarious how we think certain events are important, that we rush to do, and it ends up being trivial.  Things like writing this blog entry.  Things like how baseball teams change teammates every year and you struggle to keep up.  It’s just a waste of time to rush, in my opinion.  You miss so much, and you’re not really accomplishing anything significant. I just like to allow myself to experience life in its own perfect time, without having to complete some menial, arduous task that I don’t even find pleasing at all. 

Popular culture has to die out sometime.  I’m really looking forward to the downfall of clothes with holes in them, lilac sweaters, and hair gel that’s NOT tested on animals.  I don’t need the reality shows and the Paris Hilton updates.  I couldn’t care less about who’s marrying who in Hollywood.  They’re just people, like you and me.  If I were to tell you Bob and Linda Jameson were getting married, you wouldn’t care, because you don’t know them.  Just like I don’t care when Tom Cruise marries some woman I’ve never heard of.  I’m the kind of guy who will buy a National Enquirer to use as firewood.

A revolving door of quick fixes, miracle drugs, washed up actors and actresses, boring sitcoms, ridiculous rules and regulations, I’ve had it.  No, I don’t care if some famous person had their baby unless I actually know them.  I don’t feel like keeping up with their fast-pased, overindulgent, ego-stroking lives.  The self-fulfilling prophecies of yesteryear.  Is learning about this sort of lifestyle going to make my life any better? 

Whatever.  I’ve become bored with the world as it presents itself to me.  The only way I will get restimulated is to create a better world for myself and others.  I just don’t know what’s stopping me from doing it.  A fear of leaving my comfort zone maybe?  What it is isn’t what it feels like.  I just have to let myself slow down, breathe, and relax into total oblivion, letting myself go into unchartered waters, allowing myself to be me.

I was looking at who I am today when I was at work.  Who am I?  What the fuck do I represent?  What does anyone represent?  Why do I care that I represent something and that people judge me based on what they presume I represent?  I believe that there is something against representation without documentation.  There should also be no taxation.  What goes on inside my head is beyond my own belief.  This is where I live, where I grow.  It’s really late now, just after 1 A.M. and I’m starting to ramble off into the night, but even though this post is completely off the wall, I have comfort that people will still read it and think that it means something to them. 

Completely stonewalled from my own sense of self at times, I often take vacations from myself into a vast wilderness of idiosyncratic overtones that would throw Albert Einstein for a loop.  I speak eloquently to try and upgrade my self-worth and reputation, but what I’m really doing is just being me.  It is January 1, 2007 and I feel that today is the day for something magical to happen.  Today I go out and watch the butterflies get pollen or whatever they do when they fly from flower to flower.  My backyard is full of them.  At least they don’t have to deal with popular culture. 

P.S.  I just wanted to let everyone know that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed writing to an unabridged audience and hope they’ve gained some sort of benefit from reading these long-winded and philisophical posts.  It’s been real, so real that I feel like I’ve bared my soul into this blog.  I just hope we all can accomplish this sort of peace in the future. 


Happy Birthday to Me

December 29, 2006

December 28 was my birthday. I’m 21. Wow. 21. So what? Big deal. So I can drink and gamble now. Like I’m supposed to just go crazy, drinking strawberry daiquiris and putting my life savings on number 22 at the roulette table. Give me a break. Just because I can do something doesn’t mean I should. I have the right to do so, but I’m not planning on pursuing those branches of life, at least not at this time.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and it’s been a rewarding experience. Thinking in terms of the future. Wondering what I’m going to do with my life. Trying to understand how I fit into this puzzle called the real world. Finding my niche. Understanding why I’m here. Believing that I know deep down what the purpose of my existence is.

I know writing will be a big part of my life, as I’ve shown immensely over the past six months or so. I realize that humor is another key component in my life. Love is strong in my life as well, an unconditional love of everything around me. Understanding, stillness, relaxation, all other qualities of myself. Listening. Being there. Knowing. All things I know I possess. All qualities I am working steadfastly to improve on a daily basis. Being myself is quite a challenge.

You know how sometimes you get sucked into popular culture. You buy all the fad clothes, all the stupid toys or whatever that other people are raving about. You don’t do it because you like those things, but do it to “fit in.” Fitting in can be crucial in such a conformist society. Sometimes I get taken in by these cultural values. Materials over peace, agreement over honesty, bullshit over feelings. When you’re thrown into a world that thinks this way every day, you start to pick up some things that are not desirable except out in that world.

If you are being constantly exposed to these things, it can be hard to break the habits associated with them. I work hard to destroy everything I do that goes against my personal values, my philosophy of life. I may be Zen, but why go out and buy a Zen garden? Isn’t that anti-Zen anyway? I’m not in it for the money, I’m in it for the experiences. I’m in it for living in peace. I’m in it for forming a better world. I’m in it for enlightenment. There is no object that will give me enlightenment outside of myself.

So I try to understand that less is more, less is less distractions, less clutter, less problems, less allocation. Less allows for you to think more, to consume less, to live better. When we strip ourselves from everything we own, what is left? Ourselves. Some people mask themselves with the things they own. I mask the things I own with myself. I am no longer concerned with other people’s opinion of me. That holds no stock in my book. If you disagree, you disagree. Let me live my life, make my own “mistakes,” have my own experiences, allow me to just be, and I shall do the same for you. Help me better the world and you will be rewarded handsomely with a deep feeling of fulfillment.

So looking back on the last 21 years of my life, this past one has been the culmination of success for me. I have never had a more productive year spiritually, mentally, and socially. I understand much more than I did for the previous 20 years of my life. I have lost many fears I used to have. Death is no longer a problem. I’ve accepted the fact that death will come when it needs to. There’s no reason to fear it, as it is one truth you cannot escape. So why fear the inevitable? I know I’ll move on to something else afterward anyway. I’m just not entirely sure what it’s nature will be. I’ll just have to wait and find out.


Christmas Again?

December 26, 2006

I know yesterday was Christmas and everyone is probably writing about it in their blogs, but maybe I’m not that kind of guy.  Chirstmas was good, and I’ll leave it at that.  I got some things I wanted.  That is all.

One activity I’m going to invite more of into my life is reading, as if I don’t already do enough.  I believe reading will help my writing, which will help people who read this blog.  Writing is something to do to pass the time.  My novel is coming along well, eighty pages single-spaced on Microsoft Works.  I’d say that’s not a bad accomplishment.  I just have a feeling it’s going to be a novel that never ends because it didn’t really begin in the first place.  It could go on for the next twenty years.  We shall see.  I’d like to get it published by the end of 2007.  That’s a lofty goal I can set my sights on. 

Looking back on this year, I’ve been through a lot.  The fact that I am still here amazes me and I continue to grow spiritually and mentally.  My physical body is getting in better shape and is feeling decent.  I’ve made a 180 from where I was at the beginning of the year, although I still feel the same way about some things.  This blog has really helped me get myself “out there” in terms of expressing myself.  No, I don’t use fancy layouts or pictures in most of my blogs because these posts come from deep inside me.  I don’t need photos to prove my point.

This blog is as much for me as it is for everyone reading.  I hope you’ve extracted a bit of information from this blog and continue to visit, as I am going to keep writing, along with writing my novel, so if you want to read, keep reading.  The holidays are nothing more than days that we put extra significance on.  I just think it’s funny that I get paid for not working on Christmas as opposed to any other holiday.  When I call off for Strap Day, I sure hope I get holiday pay and three days off or else there will be a problem.  I need money to fund this eccentric holiday.  You can read about Strap Day in the Archives for December.  I’m just too lazy to put up links today, and I have to go back to work anyway at 2 PM.  If I didn’t have that hanging over me all the time, I’d be able to deck out all of these posts.  Time will tell.  When I finish my novel and get it published and it makes me a substantial amount of money, maybe I’ll take some time off and relax a bit and focus on this blog and possibly another novel.  I’m thinking of writing a novel about working in a grocery store.  It will be a first-person narrative, a subjective story if you would.  I just have to think of a good title for it.  It will be a story about what I’ve experienced as well as some other things I want to throw in.  I’m looking forward to writing it.

Whether or not I ever understand why I’m here, I know I can enjoy my writing and enjoy my reading.  I don’t need to justify any of it.  It’s me.  It’s the whole, “Do you think Mozart’s music was his work?  No, the work was Mozart himself, and he brought it into the world.”  I’m not saying I’m the best writer in the world, not even close.  But I enjoy it.  I’m getting better.  It will only be a matter of time before I no longer have to go to work.  Work will become joy.  Joy will become my state of mind.  I’m already in a lot of peace, but joy and peace wouldn’t be a bad combo. 


Intuitive Existential Revelations

December 23, 2006

We’re just here, wandering around aimlessly, not really making any sort of meaning, looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I don’t know how I got to this point, but this is how I felt back almost a year ago. I didn’t understand anything to the extent I understood myself. I was suffering immensely psychologically and mentally, as well as physically, as I could not find a way to intelligently deal with the residual effects of my brain surgeries and progressive radiation therapy that happened two years prior. Something just didn’t make sense, something felt different. I was no longer who I once was. I was someone else, someone new, almost as if this brain cancer had changed me forever to someone who hardly resembled myself at all.

Everything felt different. Reality was a whole new ballgame. It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but you almost felt like you weren’t really you, but an observer of yourself and everything else that still had control over your body, but it was in a more vague way than a concrete one. It was almost as if my spirit was halfway out of my body and above me. I still feel that way today, but I’ve made peace with it. I realize that feeling this way has its ups and downs, but it is something I have come to accept. I no longer hate the fact I had to go through such turmoil in that year of my life, 65 stitches in the back of my head and two pea-sized cancerous legions in my brain. I know it happened for a reason, a reason that brings me joy each and every day. Transcendence of fear, appreciation for life, the simple things, the minute details that people just brush over without paying much attention to, these are the things I can truly enjoy.

I’m no longer caught up in the rat race of society and its constant superficiality and demands that are so irrational, it makes me want to leave entirely. I just allow myself to live in peace and harmony with the whole, beautiful world. And it saddens me that we are collectively destroying much of it, but I can still appreciate the parts that are still intact, the natural parts of our great planet. I feel a sort of oneness with the world, a collective consciousness, if you would, something that takes me away from being centered in my physical body and allows me to get everything I experience, like a culmination of the world. This sort of revelation was triggered by my brain cancer and its subsequent removal. I was given the option to live on and I’m striving to enjoy every second of the rest of my life, or all of life on Earth.

I know my physical body is not me. I’ve known that for a long time. It is simply a part of me, like the trees are a part of me, and my spirit is a part of me. There is no distinction of more important parts, they are all equal. This computer is me. Every word I type here is a part of me. Put them all together and you get thought. Every time I allow myself to think this way, I get this amazing surge of energy, like I’m connecting to some power source unknown to me previously. The key is keeping it in mind all the time. It’s the most joyous feeling you’ll ever experience, as I’m experiencing it right now. Wow. That was amazing.

Jesus, wasn’t that something? If you’ve never experienced that feeling, just allow yourself to do so. It has to be the best feeling in the world.

But then there are times when I seep into deep depression, where I can’t even fathom a reason to get out of bed. I think to myself, why bother? Who cares if I get up and do this or that, or get that thing I’ve wanted? I mean, I get headaches sometimes that are pretty bad, but I get through them. As long as I don’t push myself too hard, I’ll be okay. I have this happy medium where I don’t overwork myself or I’ll start to get headaches again. It’s not easy to figure out where this medium is, but I’ve been getting closer to it every day. But I know I can experience joy whenever I need to, as I have access to my joy button.

Whether or not I want to be in a perpetual state of joy is something I’m not completely sure of. Would everything become boring and meaningless if joy is my natural state? Being full of joy all the time would be good, to some extent, but the lack of variability in my emotions could possibly make my life boring. I believe peace is the answer. Life in a state of peace. You accept everything as it is. You just allow things to be. If you feel mad, you feel mad, but you’re at peace with the fact you’re feeling mad. You know it will pass and that you’ll enter a state of happiness later, maybe even joy.

I’ve been on this planet almost 21 years and I feel that in the last year, things have finally come full circle for me. Everything is starting to make sense. The world is my oyster. I am aware of the power I possess and the amazing talents I hone at every corner. I know I have the power to be peaceful no matter what happens. I don’t place my faith in the external world because it’s inconsistent. The only thing I can rely on to be completely consistent is myself. In accepting myself for who I am, not hating any part of me, loving everything, I’ve gotten past bitterness. I understand the way the world works, but I still don’t know why completely. I can’t fathom why things are the way they are. Why we’re these animals on a planet living to perpetuate our existence, to some cherished ideal that we seem to be straying further and further away from. Asking the question, “Why are we here?” only renders one response: To make the world a better place.

To go about doing this, making the world a better place, we need to destroy many things we cling to tightly to in today’s society. I’m willing to dump the automobile, the depletion of our natural resources, the destruction of nature, and the hierarchical way the world is run. I’m ready to get rid of all of it. I’ve transcended all of it, knowing on the other side there is more for us, a feeling of amazing peace. We just need to get there, all together. We need to stop placing our emphasis out there and start focusing introspectively. Looking inward for guidance. Our instinct and intuition know what we are supposed to be doing, but we silence that voice in the back of our minds, passing it off as crazy talk, acting like it’s improbable. But we all know it’s possible, even probable. It’s all about committing to it.

This is about people giving to others, helping one another, treating everyone as equals, no matter their economic status or color of skin. There should be no class system, no overseers who control every move we make. We should be able to live a life of peace freely, absent of bureaucratic nonsense that drives you insane if you even begin to think about it. Whenever I imagine a world where I am one with nature and nature is one with me, I become peaceful. I know that peace is only a step away, and joy is about three steps further. Thank you for reading. I appreciate it.

 P.S.  Anyone else feel this way somewhat?  I mean, we need to all live to make the world better.  Otherwise, what’s the purpose of living besides selling dangerous products to an unsuspecting public for years before you retire and play canasta and golf while you wait for the Grim Reaper to come get you.  Let’s do this.


Alcoholic Beverages

December 20, 2006

My 21st birthday is coming up and I am not a drinker whatsoever.  I may have had alcohol less than five times in my entire life and it has not been a rewarding experience.  It hasn’t been terribly bad, but it’s not something I would normally do on a regular basis as it does not really have any staying power in my world.  But I do know I will have the right to do it, the choice if I feel I need to, but it will in no way become a regular habit.  I might drink occasional wine for the antioxidants, but the rest of it is just poison.

At the supermarket where I work, I sometimes bag wine with cleaning products to the chagrin of the customer, saying, “Don’t put the wine with the ammonia.”  I say, “Why not?  They’re both poisons.  One is just stronger than the other.”  I do the same with cigarettes, a much more potent toxic substance.  One time I even said to a customer, “Do you want your cancer in a bag or do you want to put it in your purse?” when referring to cigarettes.  It’s not that I’m intolerant of them, it’s just I feel that they could stop doing it and experience a better life.  I like to open their eyes to all the money they’ve wasted slowly killing themselves.

Maybe they just don’t know what they’re contributing to.  The tobacco industry has so much leverage in the government, due to its amzing bout of wealth.  And since they are allowed to legally sell an addictive substance to the public, they have quite a bit of customer loyalty.  And if you ever feel like quitting, you can buy the nicotine patch.  It has a lower dose of nicotine, but eventually, you’ll become addicted to the patch.  And it’s way more expensive.  But eventually you’ll be off the cancer sticks.

The thing I cannot understand is how people will even deny the truth about their vices.  They’ll say things like, “It’s not that bad for my health,” or “I don’t do it that much.”  Who are you trying to prove this to?  Me or yourself?  Of course, if you want to destroy your life with the habitual use of these surprisingly legal substances, then go ahead and be my guest.  Just don’t come crying to me when your lung cancer and liver cancer set in.

This brings me to the idea of being totally responsible for your life.  One of the bette quotes from Buddhism is, “We shrink from suffering, but love its causes.”  A coworker told me this at work and I feel it’s true in these cases.  If you’re suffering with the byproducts of cigarettes and alcohol, it’s so convenient to blame the tobacco and alcohol industries.  It may even alleviate your suffering to some extent because you think it absolves you of responsibility.  But it doesn’t.  You are the one who made the choice to allow these toxic substances into your body, knowingly or unknowingly, so you should be ready to deal with the consequences, even if it does result in your death.  Death is a part of life anyway.

We are already poisoned enough by our food supply, water supply, air supply, toxic chemicals everywhere, enveloping us in a cloud of toxins to insert more of these things into our system.  I read a news story today about a man who accidentally shampooed a woman’s hair with insecticide and she ended up going to the hospital and going into a coma.  Is this really a necessary suffering?  Why did this person have a bottole of inseciticide in his house?  Was her exposure necessary?

So, as I look forward eight days towards my 21st birthday and the full culmination of adulthood by society’s standards, I am aware that I am capable, legally, of embarking on such self-mutilations as drinking alcohol and gambling, but I realize that inviting these into my life will not benefit me in any way, and will actually impair my wonderful body and mind and may even cause me to act irrationally, moreso than I do today.  So why complicate things?

I may have brought this up in a previous post but I recall telling a customer at my work of my 21st birthday and my choice not to drink and she handed me five dollars towards my goal.  I really didn’t know what she expected me to spend it on and I jokingly said to a cashier that I will go guy a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, but I find that people do respect abstainance.  I think it’s when you abstain for the supposed pleasures in life that you really get a good glimpse of who you really are and derive pleasure from not having.  This is why people go into Buddghist temples, devoid of any possessions.  They get more pleasure from haivng nothing than they do of having everything.  Your internal state is far more important than your external one.  And as the days go by, I’m becoming more and more aware of this philosophy. 

“Thare are two kinds of wealth.  One is having the ability to have everything you can possibly imagine.  The other is to need nothing.”  Gary Craig, EFT.

So, I feel that putting things of toxicity into my body will gravely alter my internal state, which has been in a wonderful light for the past couple of months as I am approaching a state of inner peace.  So it is not a sane decision for me to put terrible things into my body at the expense of my health and peace of mind.