Bad Movies, Generic Cereal, and Hammocks

October 17, 2006

I love going to bad movies.  Not just the run-of-the-mill bad movies, but the ones that Ebert and Roepper chopped their thumbs off.  The ones they use for torture in terrorist death camps.  Those are the movies I like to go see.  You know why?  Because if something is bad, I can talk to the people there with me about how bad it is.  It’s hilarious.  It’s like, “Hey, ths movie is awful, isn’t it?”  “Yeah, it sucks.”  And eventually, we go get our money back, not sit through the entire thing because I don’t give a shit how it ends.  All I care about it having the whole theater to myself.  I like to throw candy all over the place and yell random stuff out.  I remember when I went to go see, My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  What an awful movie!  I couldn’t believe how bad it was.  And then there’s Taladega Knights.  Oh, my God, was it awful.  I spent the whole movie laughing at how bad the plots and just how bad the acting was.  It was funny because it wasn’t funny at all.  I spent more time complaining at how bad it was, it made me laugh.  I hate people who actually like those movies, though.  I think I know what it is.  They’re trying to justify spending the money to go see it.  That’s a bunch of total crap.  If you didn’t like it, don’t lie to yourself and say you did just to make the expense sensical. 

I love going to bad movies, though.  Ones that people wouldn’t ever even bother going to, ever.  Although, the value of renting bad movies is pretty good as well.  Like if you were ever to rent Master of Disguise, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  The worst movie, ever, I think.  So bad and so worthless you had to laugh at the sheer volume of it, that someone would actually think this thing up and actually think it would do well at the box office.  That’s the real comedy in it all. 

I also hate people who say that generic products taste just as good as the name brand ones.  Like at a supermarket they have too versions of Frosted Flakes.  One of them is the Kellogg’s brand, and Tony the Tiger says, “They’re great!”  On the generic brand they have a cockroach saying, “They’re okay!”  And it’s a smaller box.  And they taste terrible.  Then there’s the people who say, “They taste the same.”  You know what the name for those people is?  Cheap bastard.  But stores are going to the absolute limit.  They actually have a generic brand of Gogurt and Triscuits.  Can you believe this?  The Gogurt is called “Grab ‘Ems” and the Triscuits are called “Wheat ‘Ems.”  How stupid is that?  They feel they have to compete with those companies, too?  I’m waiting for generic caviar or something.  Mmm mmm, the taste of generic fish eggs for 99 cents. 

I can’t wait until I get a hammock, though.  That is going to be so sweet.  I can just relax in it all day.  It’s like the ultimate relaxation furniture, if that’s what it’s classified as.  I wonder how much they cost, because I hear they’re pretty popular.  If I could get one that’s really comfortable, like the ones they make in Mexico, I’d be all set.  I had a friend in colllege who had his own dorm room and he had a gigantic hammock in there.  I was like, “Hot deal, man.  That’s awesome.”  What’s better than having one.  It’s so much better than stressing my back in a chair.  I’m going to check some prices on one and I’ll get one if it’s not too expensive.  I don’t need an iPod, I need a hammock.  Then I can practice Hammockology and become fucking awesome.  Well, let me know if you know how much a hammock costs.  I’m sure I can get a good one for less than $200 dollars.  But we’ll see.  See you later, peace.

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FDA Are Bastards

October 9, 2006

Perscription drugs are crazy.  They always claim to have a new disease out, and then they make some drug for it, which in turn creates side effects.  The side effects are usually worse than the condition you’re treating, so now you have to take more perscription drugs to treat the side effects, which in turn have more side effects.  And the cycle continues until you have every perscription drug on the market, wallowing in thousands of pills a day for the rest of your life.  So why do we put up with this?  Most of these drugs are just a quick fix to a problem.  There’s usually a bigger, better solution that people just don’t want to commit to, so they take a pill and it temporarily eases their pain.  But after awhile, they become used to the drug, and then they need to up the dosage to get the same effect, which means they have to buy more and the drug companies, mainly the FDA, gets all the profits.  I just don’t see how they can live with themselves. 

If you get on a drug that helps you with depression, it causes weight gain, so now you have to take a pill that induces weight loss, but that makes your heart beat too fast, so now you have to take heart medication, which causes inpotence.  So now you have to take Viagra, which leads to you having sex like crazy and eventually suffering a massive heart attack.  So now  you’re even more depressed, so you get put on Paxil, which causes hair loss, so now you have to get rogaine, which causes paranoid thoughts.  So they end up putting you on some anti-psychotic drug and now you just walk around like a zombie all day, all because you started out depressed.  Your perscrition bill is over $500 a month and you don’t even realize it because you’re all zonked out because of all the pills you’re taking. 

Then you buy into the whole Life Alert thing.  You know, that thing that if you ever fall or have a heart attack while no one’s around, you can press a button and the ambulance will show up at your house.  That’s another 50 or so a month that you give away.  You never use it, except that one time you rolled over in bed and accidentally pressed it.  The ambulance ride costs you seventy dollars, and you didn’t even ride in it.  It’s messed up.  But we all accept it.  And i don’t know why.  I think we need to stand up and do something.

Did you know that the FDA has a monopoly on any cure for anything?  They state that the only thing that can cure a condition is a drug.  When they know damn well that other things can cure people.  What about herbs and stuff?  What about good foods and a healthy diet?  Why would those cure anything?  They’re not drugs.  What a bunch of morons.  Like a pill is going to cure your obesity.  The only thing it might do is lower your self-esteem. 

 Then there’s the king of it all:  Restless Leg Syndrome.  You’ve got to be kidding me.  Supposedly this is a syndrome where right before you’re about to fall asleep, your legs start moving uncontrollably.  Come on.  And they actually have a pill for this.  I’ve heard of some fake diseases in my day, but this takes the cake.  If your legs move at night, you should tie them to the fucking bedposts.  Don’t spend money on pills that could just as well be spent on some good shackles.  I’m not going to push this point any further, but it just doens’t make any fucking sense.

Then there’s the Social Anxiety Disorder.  These are people who are afraid of people.  They’re afraid of social situations.  Get over it!  You don’t need a fucking pill to solve your problems for you, unless that pill is Get Over It.  If you’re afraid of talking to someone in public, then go out and do it.  Eventually, you’ll get over your fear.  Don’t think a stupid fucking pill is going to solve your problems for you.  It’s just a circular half centimeter in diameter drug. 

I guess that’s all I really have to say about them.  Too many side effects, too many pills.  Somehow to control all our problems, or so it seems.  But it’s when you get to the core of the motivation behind these bastards, you’ll see it all comes down to a bunch of green papers known as money.  So remember that when you see the next drug ad, “Have you ever fallen asleep watching TV?  You could have Dozing Off Syndrome.  here’s a pill that will help.  Side effects include: vomiting, death, SIDS, homicidal thoughts, suicidal thoughts, cancer, kidney failure, herpes, and restless leg syndrome.”  Good night, yall.


What Do I Eat?

September 21, 2006

Right now, I’m going through this health phase where I’m trying to change my diet in hopes of more energy and vitality.  We all want to be healthy.  That is most people’s number one goal.  But many people never do anything about it.  You want to lose weight but you don’t want to stop going to McDonald’s or Burger King.  You won’t give up soda nor will you admit you’re addicted to sugar or aspartame.  It’s just insane.  People are always looking for some quick fix solution to lose weight or become healthier, but they have to understand it will take a life-altering change in order to lose the weight.  And it’s so much harder to lose weight after it’s been put on.

I’ve read many cases for all different types of diets.  Two of the best ones I’ve dealt with were Sugar Busters and an all-vegan diet.  I’ve actually done Sugar Busters and am working my way towards giving up meat and dairy products.  Sugar Busters was amazing, though.  I lost ten pounds in one month.  And I’m not overweight by any means.  I was average weight before I did that, and now I’m leaner than I’ve ever been.  Basically, what the diet entailed was to cut all sugar out of your diet, to some extent.  You could still eat fruit and vegetables, and some other natural sugars, but no processed, refined foods.  Like white bread, pasta, and other white flour-based foods.  You could eat lean meat, but only very thin cuts.  On this diet, I discovered all kinds of interestiing fruits and vegetables I never tried before and grew to love many, many different ones.  My new favorite fruit is the pluot.  It is amazing, but it’s no longer available at my grocery store.  It’s the juiciest fruit I’ve ever tasted.  I love mangoes as well.  And organic oranges are to die for.  Kiwis are just insanely good and most apples are decent.  I try to eat organic at all costs, mostly because the taste difference is amazing.  And this kind of diet really adds energy to your life.  Believe me.  Or don’t believe me, what do I care?  It’s not like I’m pitching a book or something.  Eat for optimal energy.  That’s all I ask. 

I’ve heard all kinds of cases for a vegan diet as well.  I hear the mental clarity and energy boost is quite amazing.  This is what makes me curious to try it.  There’s also a branch of this diet known was the all-raw diet that supposedly has even more benefits.  The reason that this diet has all these benefits is supposedly because animal products toxify your body and take extra energy to digest.  Some fanatical vegans will even say that when you eat an animal, you are carrying the torture it went through with every bite you take.  That’s possible, but let’s not get into that sort of thing now.  It’s about feeling your best.  If you want to feel better, get more energy, and gain some sort of mental clarity, give this a try.  I’m planning on doing this very soon.  I just have to make that quantum leap.  It will take some practice, but I’m sure in the next year I’ll try it for at least a month.  And from there, I’ll weigh the pros and cons and eventually figure out what it is I need to do. 

The media conditions us to eat unhealthy from a young age.  Look at McDonald’s and Burger King.  They advertise to children and promise them a toy with every meal they eat there.  And once they get one toy, they’re going to want to collect them all.  For me, I used to do that very same thing.  I remember going to McDonald’s when I was a child collecting the toys every once in awhile, but I didn’t go half as often as some of my peers.  This was mostly because my mother knew that that kind of food can cause serious problems.  And I’m glad to this day that I don’t go to places like that hardly at all.  But our nation’s youth is so into that sort of thing.  Fast food because they supposedly don’t have a lot of time.  Soda and sugar-laden juices like Sunny-D because they enjoy the taste better than natural juices and water.  And it’s just sad, but it’s true. Sugar is addictive as hell.  Everybody who’s tried it knows.  It’s just so tasty.  It’s like a taste explosion.  This is why I will never give up fruit.  While they still contain sugar, they also contain specific enzymes that contribute to development of the mind, body, and spirit.

If you give up refined, processed sugar, you may find that you lose maybe five pounds the first week, three pounds the second week, one pound the third week, and then plateau.  And that’s very common.  It’s mostly because the first week is a detoxifying week.  You rid your body of all the toxins that sugar and processed foods had stored inside of you.  It’s something that will slow down, but if you need to lose more weight, I recommend getting of dairy.

Dairy products are awful.  They really don’t do much for you unless they aren’t pasteurized, homogenized, and preserved.  Raw milk is one of the best nutritional assets our country has, but heat it up and cool it back down and you’re talking about something that messes up your mental clarity and influences weight gain.  But whatever you choose to do, do it in a conscious way.  Don’t just swallow the next fad diet.  It could and probably will just work for a little while and then