Embracing Your Weirdness

November 3, 2006

This is a post about being yourself, no matter how weird you may be, as long as it doesn’t result in harm to others. Here’s the low down. We are all weird in some way. Some much more than others, but the fact remains that we all have these innate strange qualities that most people would find either weird or troubling. So if you like to dance naked while listening to Sounds of the Rainforest while asl wearing clown makeup, you shouldn’t be ostracized because of that, you should be embraced. One of the greatest examples of embracing weirdness is creative genius Andy Kauffman.

 Post edit: apparently I just lost the rest of this post when I sent it. I had some really bizarre questions I was going to ask customers at my work, but they’re all gone now. There was also some other things, but I really don’t feel like retyping it, so here are some weird questions and that’s it: “What do you think the world would be like if ants were our size?” “Have you ever done any astral travel?” “I’d like you to interperet a dream for me. Okay, so I’m on the top of Mount Rushmore and…” “Do you think in the future that there won’t be any need for shopping carts because we’ll have mastered gravity so well that our groceries will rotate around us at considerable speeds?” “What would happen if I just started taking all of these plastic bags and putting them all over the store, yelling, ‘I’m the one who’s in charge now.’?” “Do you know where I can purchase a neutron microscope that’s capable of seeing subatomic particles and will allow me to find the power to make a nuclear reactor capable of running my house at a much lower cost than conventional electricity?” “Do you dance naked listening to Sounds of the Rainforest while putting clown makeup on when no one else is in the house?” That’s all for me. Peace.


Back to Basics

October 31, 2006

I haven’t really been working on my comedy very much lately.  I don’t know what it is, but it’s just that I feel like I have some sort of block in my head when it comes to thinking up funny stuff all the time.  I have come up with a few jokes, but they haven’t been that spectacular, but I thought one of them was pretty good, I guess:  “Whenever someone sees a baby, they like to talk to it with some crazy high pitched voice, ‘Oh, did you have a good nap?’  I’m not like that.  I just talk to it.  ‘When are you gonna get a job?'”  I guess it’s a little misleading, but whatever.  I’m not here to impress anyone, just to get all these thoughts out.  I also came up with another joke yesterday, but I’m sure it won’t strike a chord with many audiences, as most people don’t know what an astral projection is.  But here it goes anyway:  “I used to have a job on the astral plane.  It was a bitch to get there.  The traffic…” 

These are jokes in their rawest form.  I actually thought of a joke in a dream.  I don’t know if i wrote about it yet, as I don’t even read my own blog.  No, I haven’t, I’m pretty sure.  It goes something like this.  “I had a dream that I thought of a really funny joke.  Here’s how it went.  ‘Sometimes I like to wander around aimlessly for days, even months.  One time I ended up in Montana and I didn’t know how to get home.  So I called 911.  She asked me ‘Where are you?’  I said, ‘I don’t know.”  Well, it was funny in my dream.”  It went something to that effect.  But I’m working on another joke of some sort about work and how when it’s check day, you have like this feeling that if you don’t get your check that moment that it’s suddenly going to disappear into thin air.  It’s like you walk into work and you ask if you can have your check and they say, “Wait a minute.”  So you do, but while you’re waiting, you’re thinking, “This is taking too long.  I need my check now.”  And you keep waiting, but you start getting more nervous.  And then they finally start looking for it, but they can’t seem to find it right away, so youget more and more nervous.  “Maybe it’s not in there.  Maybe those bastards forgot to mail my check.”  And eventually they find it and everything’s okay.  Except your state of mind.

Maybe something like that, but I can’t be sure.  I write all of these ideas on scraps of paper while I either work or just sit around.  I catalogue them in my word processor in a category called New Jokes Excellent.  Then I color code them for how good I think they are, but I feel like whenever I come up with a new joke, I usually think that it’s really good right away, but then my liking for it fades over time.  I have trouble organizing them or making a set list.  I don’t know what it is, but I feel like organization is not one of my strong points, but that’s kind of good for the ADD age.  People will forget what you were talking about a minute ago anyway, so what’s the point in going into any type of story?  I like to create jokes that exist in time and space and expand, like the universe.  I don’t tell long jokes because I feel like they kind of have too many filler words and filler jokes to get to the last joke.  Besides, I’m not that good at act-outs.  I’m better at explaining things through my descriptive nature.  Although detail isn’t wnat people always want, I feel like I can use words and gestures to completely explain my state of being.

But I feel like I am in the minority when it comes to fear of public speaking.  It doesn’t really trouble me too much.  I know there is no real danger, especially if I’m in a crowd of people I’ve never met before.  They’re not going to ever see me again, for the most part, so if I totally piss them off, no big deal ,right?  But coming up with a logical sequence of jokes has been a real challenge for me.  The problem is that if I have some sort of sequence where joeks that follow one another are like each other, I can sort of remember them better.  but if I just have these absract thoughts coming one after another, it becomes increasing harder to remember which jokes goes where, which will ultimately add to significantly more rehearsal time.

People have compared me to Steven Wright and Jerry Seinfeld, but I don’t really think I fall into those categories.  I certainly think a lot like Wright and have some other thoughts sort of  like Jerry, but I am my own unique entity.  I have separate and distinct thought patterns from them.  I don’t really think on the same wavelength as them, but my styles are similar in some way. 

The biggest thing I want to preach in comedy is honesty.  I will only tell jokes that I honestly think are funny to both me and a supposed audience.  Sure, the audience in my imagination is usually much more open than the one I will naturally come in contact with.  They also tend to alugh a bit more, but there’s no denying their existence, eventually.  I really wish I could do stand-up in the morning though because I feel I’m at my best for on-the-fly jokes, as I can naturally bring a progression of thoughts much better.  I just don’t know any comedy club that would have a sufficient audience at that hour.

Comedy is really an exercise is self-exploration.  All the jokes I tell come from deep inside of me.  I don’t know where they come from exactly, but the factory that makes them can sometimes be defective, but I have ways to rectify the problem.  But the neurons in my brain that work so hard to connect seemingly unrelated objects into pure hilarity sure deserve some credit.  The rest of the credit is due to external things and just general observations.  I’ve been working really hard at what I do and performing, even to a small group of ten to fifteen people is a joy.  I sometimes even perform for my family. 

I know I’m funny.  All my friends in college would tell other people my jokes when i wasn’t around, and they’d tell me about it.  And I’m pretty protective of my jokes, so I asked them, “Did you use a works cited page linked to me?”  I would have friends who would use my catchphrases and other things.  One of the saying I would often use is, “This is why we can’t have nice things.”  Another one was “deliciously” describing things like “deliciously evil, decliciously absurd, etc.”  But it was the spirit of everything.  I always had something to say and for the most part it was funny.  I would often make up things on the spot, as I pretty much felt that it was my duty to do so. 

But now I feel like it’s too limited just to be funny.  I also want to be intelligent.  I’ve decided to go back to college on a semi-regular basis.  Possibly three to four classes and working towards a degree.  I probably think the degree with be in mathematics, but it doesn’t really matter to me.  As long as I have a degree, I guess.  Then I may go for a masters in communication.  I don’t know.  It all depends what happens with this whole comedy thing.  I will always love comedy and I will always write comedy, not to mention, I will always write, period.  So no matter what I end up doing, be it comedy or writing, or some crazy math job, I’m always going to work on my passion, whether or not it generates income for me.  Generating income from my passion would be nice, as I will be in total control of my life, unlike working for an evil bovine master.  So with all respect, it would ba amazing to be able to leverage my ability to make people laught, but I’m not all about that.  Part of me is that.  But the rest of me wants to stimulate the mind and I do that in my comedy, but I feel like I have more to give as well, so bear withme if this blog isn’t always funny or always making you laugh because I feel that just making people laugh will make you become one of those one-dimensional people.  Until next time, peace.

Steven Wright Review Coming Soon…

October 22, 2006

LAst night, I finally got to see the special I was planning to see all week.  He finally went on and did his thing.  He was absolutely wonderful beyone my expectations and I could not believe how many one-liners he squeezed into an hour special.  He even did a couple of songs, one which was barely audiable.  He is the embodiment of post-modern weirdness and he definitely showed true to form last night.  Just some of the crazy things he said were so absurd you had to laugh.  I’ll have a review soon after I watch it again because I have to see how many jokes he actually did and how many got a decent laugh and all those scientific formulas.  But I’m really glad he decided to do something like this and I’m sure that many people watched it anticipating gold and they were not disappointed.  I’m so glad that this happened and I had been waiting for this for years, so it really did everything to justice.  I’m not really in a position this week to do much posting, so after this week is over, I’ll post much more frequently, but I’m on a semi-vacation.  So if there are only one or two posts this week, understand that I really don’t have time to post.  I have a friend staying here for a week and we’re going to paint the town red.  I got the week off from work, which could ultimately contribute to me deciding whether or not I want that job anymore.  I’ve decided to go back to college for at least another two years to try and fulfill my degree in Mathematics.  I’m also considering minoring in Spanish.  But I will not try to make that a real career.  Maybe I’ll do it for awhile because I don’t mind math, but I’m eventually going to have to move up north and pursue my comedy passion.  I’m really hoping to make it big or if not, just to have fun doing it.  It’s not a question of external success.  It’s the process by which I think of things and the way I am.  I want to display myself to the world.  This is my utmost desire.  So keep reading my blog and invite your friends to read it, too.  Eventually, I’m going to put clips of my standup up here as soon as I figure out how to fucking format it.  Well, it’s been fun talking, but I’ve got to prepare for a fun-filled day.

Today’s The Day

October 21, 2006

Today’s the day where absurdity meets sheer logic.  Today’s the day where Steven Wright has his comedy special on Comedy Central.  I can’t wait for it.  I hope there’s a lot of new jokes and stuff because if there is, I’ll be able to watch it over and over and laugh over and over.  I saw a small clip of it online and it was very good, but I don’t have a link for it because I forgot the website I went to.  But I encourage you to watch it because even though Steven Wright appeals more to an older audience, many young people say he was their inspriation, like me.  I have a friend coming in from Rhode Island today as well, so he’ll get the treat of watching it as well.  What an amazing day today is going to be!  Peace out!

Do What You Love, Not What You Don’t

October 18, 2006

I’ve heard this so many times, I swear it’s a recurring theme in my like.  If something is your life, why would you want to spend it doing things that you don’t want to do?  Why would you want to work at a job you hate, doing meaningless work, to you at least, and never erally embracing the passion you hve for, say, needlepoint.  Sure, you may get to make a couple in your spare time, but you never really come to embrace your needlepoint passion and it remains dormant.  You never get any better because you don’t devote enough time to build up your needlepoint skills.  And this is a way of life that often prevents people from doing what they’re supposed to do.  Sure, I’m sure some people like their job because it’s what they feel they were meant to do.  I have a man working at my supermarket who absolutely loves working there.  He loves to help people find groceries they couldn’t find and always says, “It’s a pleasure to help you.  It’s always a joy to help somebody else.”  I guess he’s in the right line of work.  Then there are the people who work and they hate it so much, but they have to work to survive.  They gossip cosntantly about the people there and they usually don’t work there very long, but they just move on to some meaningless, boring job that doesn’t mainfest the fire and desire that it should.

Yesterday, I was working at the job I think is a waste of time, and I was just observing most of the people there.  Just watching the employees do their jobs and it was so autonomous, like ithey were some sort of robot.  I couldn’t get over how superficial the conversations were that they had with their customers.  “Oh, how are you?”  “Good. How are you?”  “Good.”  That was the extent of most of the conversations.  The way they work is very monotonous and they don’t seem to be getting any joy out of it.  I know most of the people working there are vibrating on a much lower frequency than me, so I guess they may not yet have the ability or consciousness to bring themselves out of this montony.  But there are a couple of people who just do it for the hell of it, retired people, people who have had meaningful jobs in the past, and those are the people I tend to gravitate towards because they often have better insights on life.  They know what they’re about and they know that they have already reached their passionate state previously in life and still carry some of it with them.

It’s no secret that my passion is comedy and humor.  That’s what I practice and what I preach.  There’s other dimensions to me, but comedy is the underlying theme.  I’m very eloquent in my speech as well, but I definitely love to observe people and just take some comedy out of it.  Maybe your passion is skateboarding, but you were never good enough to make the pro team.  Well, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun doing it.  You could even start a skateboarding business.  If skateboarding is what you’re passionate about, go for it.

I”m sick and tired of people who hate their job, hate their life, hate this, hate that.  I just can’t stand being around those people.  You know, the ones that are always complaining.  “I didn’t get this, I didn’t get that.  I hate this person, I can’t stand that person.  I’m not working here anymore.”  Well, then leave!  Jesus Christ!  I’ve never seen such hostility.  But you have to get into doing things you love, even if you don’t know how to make money from it yet.  You have to build up your skills and eventually turn what you like to do into money.  it’s not that complicated.  Most of the successful people of the world would hardly call the way they make a living work.  They love to go “play” and get their projects done because tbey’re genuinely passionate about it.  They don’t have resentment towards the fact that they have to go “work.”  They’re fucking happy as hell just to have the opportunity to do it.  They even wake up early to start on their day.  These are the people you should strive to be like.  These are the people who are successful.  These are the people who still do the same job even after they make millions of dollars.

A great example from stand-up comedy is the great Jerry Seinfeld.  He made millions upon millions of dollars in the nine years he did Seinfeld and he’s still making residuals every day an episode airs.  So what do you think he’s doing now?  He’s performing stand-up codmedy all over the country, touring all around.  Does he do this for the money?  No, he does it because it’s the only thing he loves so much that money isn’t an intrinsic factor.  It’s not a factor at all.  He just loves doin git.  That’s the kind of motivation I’m talking about.

So here’s my challenge to you:  For the next five to six hours of your spare time, devote at least two of them to something you’e passionate about.  Something you love to do.  Something you would do if money wasn’t involved.  Just do it.  Nike.  Just kidding.  If you love to go for long walks in nature, then do it.  If you love to paint, even if you’re not good at it, do so.  Let your passion take hold of you and guide you to eternal bliss.  Learn all you can about your passion.  It won’t be work, it will be pure play.

A New Steven Wright Special

October 16, 2006

Seeing as I haven’t watched TV in over three weeks or so, barring two South Park episodes, I really wasn’t up on the times when it comes to comedy. My brother comes in my room last night and tells me that Steven Wright, the Steven Wright, is having a comedy special this Saturday, which is coincidentally the same day my friend from Rhode Island is coming in. Go figure. So I assume it’s going to be one hell of a time that day. This is Wright’s first special in supposedly sixteen years. Can you believe it? I’m so excited, as he is my favorite comedian of all time. One quote frome the commercial that my brother saw was, “If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.” Pure genius. He has many other new jokes, I’m sure. I really haven’t heard any of his stuff since 1986, so I really don’t know what to expect. But I’m definitely looking forward to it. It premieres on Comedy Central at 9:00 PM. It should be a feast for the ages. I am so looking forward to this and you should, too. Maybe I’ll even get a big screen plasma TV for the occasion, but I don’t think Steven would want it that way. He’s more into a black and white phonograph. But whatever.

To me, this is the Christian equivalent of Jesus rising from the dead and having a second coming. I’m dead serious. I cannot express my joy in any other manner but pure and utter amazement that after all these years, he would finally, finally come out with something new. He’s not the most driven person, and I definitely can relate to that, but he’s also someone who does such bizarre things and also tells absurd jokes to the point that you forget who you are completely and are immersed in his catatonic behavior. Him and Jerry Seinfeld are the two comedians that inspired me when I was first starting, most notably Jerry because I didn’t even know of Steven Wright back then. I remember the first joke of his I ever heard: “The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter.” Then he goes on, “Last night I came home very late, it was the next night. I tried getting into my building, but I accidentally stuck my car keys in the door and the building started up. So I drove it around for awhile. The police pulled me over for speeding. He asked me, ‘Where do you live?’ I said, ‘Right here.’ Then I parked in the middle of a highway and yelled at all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway.” From there, I was hooked. So strange, so bizarre, so insane, kind of like me. But I’m not just like him. I mean, he’s truly and utterly bizarre to the tenth degree and that’s why I like him. That’s what draws me to him, but I am a little more emotional onstage. I burn the passionate fire while he just stands there, all laid back. And he’s perfect at it, which is why he’s so good.

It’s funny because in an itnerview with him, he would talk about how he didn’t even see himself as montone or talking about abstract things. He just went out there and did what he thought was funny. That was it. It’s very simple, really. Do what you think is funny and hopefully you’ll find a group of people who also think it’s funny. If not, at least you’re amusing yourself. I also remember him telling of jokes that he thought weren’t that funny that were great with the audience as wel as things he thought were brilliantly funny that didn’t resonate with an audience. He’s just something to marvel at. I can’t wait until Saturday.  Also, look for a review of his peformance possibly on Sunday.  It will be a great time.  Peace.

Steven Wright is Crazy

October 4, 2006

I’m sure you know of a comedian named Steven Wright if you’re at all a comedy fan.  He’s a very obscure comedian who did much performing in the ’80s and ’90s and he still goes places today, but not as much.  I’d like to give a tribute to him and list some of my favorite jokes of his.  Here they are, in no particular order:

  •  A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
  • Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
  • I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause I know it’s gonna be up all night.
  • How young can you die of old age?
  • I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
  • I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  • I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world… perhaps you’ve seen it.
  • I met this wonderful girl at Macy’s. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
  • I think God’s going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
  • I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.
  • If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
  • In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
  • There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
  •  You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
  • So I began hitching.  I got picked up by this huge trailer truck carrying twenty brand new cars.  I climbed up the side of the cab and he said, “there’s no room in here, why don’t you get in one of the cars in the back?”  So I did.  And he was really into picking up people cause he picked up nineteen more.  We all had our own cars.  Then he went 90 miles an hour, we all go speeding tickets.
  • I went to the drive in in a cab.  The movie cost me 95 dollars.
  • I was skiing in England. I went up in a lift with this guy I never met.  We went halfway up the mountain without saying a word to each other.  Then he said, “You know, this is the first time I’ve been skiing in ten years?”  I said, “Really, why’s that?”  He said, “I was in jail.  You wanna know why?”  I said, “No not really.”  Then i said, “You’d better tell me why.”  He said, “I pushed a total stranger off of a ferris wheel.”  I said, “I remember you.”
  • When I have a child, I’m going to get one of those strollers for twins.  I’m gonna tell him he was a twin, too.  “You were a twin and your brother didn’t listen to me.”
  • I’m Caesarian born.  Can’t really tell.  Although whenever I leave the house, I go out through the window.
  • Whenever I pick up hitchikers, I like to wait a few minutes before I say anything to them.  Then I say, “So how far did you think you were going?  Put your seatbelt on, I wanna try something.  I saw it in a cartoon once, but I”m pretty sure I can do it.”
  • I just got back from the hospital.  I was in a speed reading accident.  I hit a bookmark, flew across the room.

I guess that’s all I really find notable, but I’m sure there’s more.  He does this one bit where he’s on a elevator and this other guy gets on and they ride the elevator to Phoenix and they go out into the desert and the phone rings and it’s Steven’s loan officer from his bank.  I find him to be abolutely hillarious.  I didn’t mention every joke because I want you to experience him for yourself.  He’s very surreal, but still, very funny.  He’s one of my favorites and I hope you enjoy him as well.  Check out his website, you won’t regret it.